


Ever and ever again

by kiralena



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Annoying Force Ghosts, Be prepared for Force fluff and more smut, Ben Solo Deserves Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben is an adorable nerd, Ben is going to do something stupid, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Honestly I'm enjoying writing this far too much 😁, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Loss of Virginity, My country is at corona lockdown and I'm working 10 to 12 hours a day, No pregnancy planned in this fic, Oral Sex, Poe is not happy about that, Post TROS, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rey too, Save Ben Solo, Smut, Soft sex, Some no-no words, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, TRoS FixIt, TRoS Spoilers, Talking about having a familiy, The Rise of Skywalker - Freeform, The Rise of Skywalker spoilers, This one will be with actually a Skywalker rising, Tros fix-it, but not actually being pregnant, dyad sex, lot's of cuddling, no energy left to write after work, tros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:20:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21907387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiralena/pseuds/kiralena
Summary: ----UPDATE----march 29th----I'm currently working 10 to 12 hours a day because of Corona, I don't have any energy left to write after work 😢The next chapter is almost done, but I don't know when I will find time to finish and edit.Stay safe! 💜💜💜------------Ben rescues Rey on Exegol, and then Rey rescues him.This is just the beginning of their adventure, but this time they will face the problems together, united. And are trying to find their own paths, instead of following the paths of some old man - which is not that easy when you have to deal with your past.---English is not my mother tongue and I post this fic unbetad...so please have mercy. writing this fix-it is necessary and I'm at a point of anger and grieve where I don't care about grammar and tenses any more. I just want Rey and Ben to heal and be happy together.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 26
Kudos: 223





	1. Ever and ever again

**Author's Note:**

> Dear fellow Reylos,  
> we all grieve, because the ending of TRoS is simply wrong. This was not what the force wanted.  
> Ben Solo deserves better. Rey deserves better.  
> Let us be the hope - turn our grieve in creativity. Kick ass. write. draw. don't give up.  
> We are in this together.  
> *hugs*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Exegol, after their confrontation with Palpatine, Ben Solo tries to rescue Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear fellow Reylos,
> 
> we all grieve, because the ending of TRoS is simply wrong. This was not what the force wanted.  
> Ben Solo deserves better. Rey deserves better.  
> Let us be the hope - turn our grief into creativity. Kick ass. write. draw. don't give up.  
> We are in this together.  
> *hugs*
> 
> PS: this is my very first fic on AO3. English is not my mother tongue, and I post this without beta...so please have mercy. writing this was...necessary.

“Wake up!”

What a strange sound. Wake up...

Breathe. Just....Breathe.

It stings.

His eyes flush open and all he can see is...light.

“Good. Now rise, you have no time to lose!”

Ben stares at the light, his vision still blurry from his head hitting the floor so hard it knocked im out.

_Rey._

His body jolts like hit with electricity. Metallic taste on his tongue. Blood. He can taste, good, this means he is still alive.

But...he can't feel Rey.

His body follows slowly his commands, far too slowly. His leg doesn't follow at all. He knows that kind of pain, broken bones. Maker knows, he is no stranger to that kind of pain. He'd felt it far to often in his life to not recognize it. Same as the taste of blood.

_Rey._

_Rey._

_Rey._

_Rey._

Her name in his mind is like his heartbeat, it keeps his body moving. Crawling. It doesn't matter, as long as he can reach her. As long als she is still alive.

REY!!! is all he can think while Bens fingers clutch around the rocks of the walls of the pit he has fallen in. Finger after finger reaches out, his arms fortunately still strong enough to lift his bodys weight, now that his leg is broken and useless.

He lifts his head, he can see the sky above the cave – glittering with laser fire and reflecting metal scraps of wrecked spaceships. Almost pretty.

Almost there.

He drops to the floor, his leg not holding his the weight of his body. It doesn't matter. He can see her.

_Rey._

_Rey._

_Rey._

_Rey._

He crawls, dragging his broken body, telling it to shut up, because no physical pain could ever be as strong as the pain of losing her.

His fingers touch her arm, searching for her heartbeat. Not finding it.

Silence.

_REY!_

She feels so light, like on Takodana. Like a tiny loth cat.

_No no no no no no._

_NO._

_Come back! Don't leave me again!_

_Stay with me!_

_Please!!_

He presses her close, searching for her life signature in the force. A whisper. A butterflies flutter. Almost gone.

_NO._

His hand drops to her belly, he pushes.

Force, make this work.

_Be with me._

_Be with me._

_Stay._

Another flutter.

On his hand.

Her fingers.

Rey opens her eyes, in shock, in excitement. He can't read her thoughts at this moment, but he knows this look in her eyes: he has come back. For her. Again.

Her fingers touch his face, where his scar has been. The scar she has healed, like forgiving him what he has done. Like embracing his past, everything of him. He tries to speak, but Rey is faster.

Her lips hit him like she is dying out of thirst and he is her ocean. Like he is everything she has ever been craving for.

“Ben!” is all she can say as they finally part, her eyes beaming with joy.

There is something strange happening with his face.

It takes him a moment to realize he is smiling.

He had forgotten how it feels to smile, but now – it feels like he wants to do this for the rest of his life: smile at Rey. See her smile.

Something is wrong.

Reys smile fades, her eyes suddenly full of fear.

Too much.

He has given her everything.

His very life.

Never too much.

Ever and ever again.

Rey tries to hold him back from falling on his back, her hand flies to his chest.

A flutter.

Warmth.

“Don't you dare to leave me, Ben!” she mutters, pressing her hand firmer to his body.

He can't speak, his lips refuse to do anything else but remember the touch of her lips.

He closes his eyes.

Peace.

“Don't you dare to leave your girl behind.”

He can hear Rey holding her breath.

And suddenly...the warmth beneath her hand is flooding through his whole body, touching his cells, his nerves, his bones.

It feels like...

Home.

He opens his eyes again, closes them again, being blinded by the light.

“Thank you”, says the light. “Thank you for finally listening.”

“Who....who are you?” Rey whispers, her other hand reaching for his. Clutching his fingers like she is going to never let go of his hand ever again.

“You know who I am.”

Ben sighs, still floating in warmth and peace. Opens his eyes. “What took you so long, Grandfather?”

Anakins force ghost crouches down besides them, smiles. “You. I was talking to you all the time, but you weren't listening.” He sighs. “I know this kind of stubbornness, runs in the family.” He lifts his hand, his right hand, opening his fingers and closing them. “Especially the women in your family are the epitome of stubbornness.” His smile deepens. “And I'm eternally grateful you found a woman as stubborn as my wife.”

He touches Bens cheek with his shimmering fingers, giving him a curt nod, then he is gone.

Rey rises an eyebrow. “So....that was the feared Darth Vader?”

Ben looks at her, taking in every one of her freckles. He is going to count them, every single day of his life.

Life.

Damn.

He tries to get up, Rey helps him, hugs him, as soon as he is sitting.

He is too happy to do the same.

But, still...

“Rey....I...barely had enough life power left to bring you back...why...why didn't you let me go?”

The grimace she is making is almost comical. It is a mixture of confusion and playful anger. And tenderness.

“Ben, I'd rather have half of my life with you than my whole life without you!”

And then she kisses him again.

And again.

Never too much.

Ever and ever again.


	2. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war isn't over, there is still work to do.  
> But at the moment: get the heck out of here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at a stage of mourning I'm shitting on grammatics.  
> This is raw and pure, untamed power of grief and anger. I'll keep fighting for Ben Solo!

As they finally part both of them are smiling. It is a genuine smile, making their blood smeared faces looking softer, younger, like suddenly stripped of all the pain and hurt of the past years. And all Ben can think of is that Rey is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his whole life.

There is a rumble coming from above, followed by the sound of crashing rocks.

“We have to get out of here!” he huffs, Rey gives him a short nod. They both struggle to get on their feet, although their life essence transfer had been healing most of their wounds his body still feels like...he had been thrown down a pit. “Rey, I think some of my rips are still broken, I...”

“Don't talk then, move”, Rey grabs his hand instantly and pulls him towards the exit, hoping the elevator platform is still working.

The force is with them, Ben feels its warmth wrapping around them. Though Exegol is a dark place, its darkness is no match to their combined powers. Their love for each other.

 _Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love._ Reys thoughts brush his, he can feel her smile, although he can't see her face because she is running in front of him, dragging him with her. It seems they both have regained enough power to be able to talk through their bond again. Ben wonders if the simple touch of their hands is enough to heal each other, restore their powers.

 _Rose said that, when saving Finn on Crait,_ she explains, feeling his curiosity.

 _The stormtrooper, the one from the village..._ Ben is glad she started this conversation, trying to distract him from the stinging pain in his back and chest. His eyes focus on the glowing blue light which marks the exit of the Sith cave, they still have to run quite a distance. _I felt his conflict, but I decided not to tell Phasma. It felt kind of...familiar. Not coming up to the expectations of the others._

_You still sliced his back open._

He grunts, half annoyed, half aware of his guilt. _And I threw you into that tree._

Rey slows down her pace, just enough to look back at him, lifting an eyebrow. _I tried to kill you and sliced your face open. You didn't seem to be angry with me at all._

_Because I wasn't. It was you._

It was you. It is as simple as that. No further explanations needed.

Rey nods, before picking up her pace again.

Almost there.

So close.

When they finally reach the outside of the cave, the air is still crackling with electricity. But there are other sounds fusing with the crackling, the faint sound of explosions, laser gun fire hitting metal. The battle hasn't stopped, it is still ongoing. Part of the ships made it into the atmosphere of Exegol, chasing each other like angry insects.

They stop before their ships. Ben bends over, holding his stomach, Reys hand flies to his back instantly, pushing healing energy into his body.

“Rey, don't...”

“Don't you dare to _don't_ me, I need you alive, with me. I won't lose you another time. I don't care if I faint, just...get us out of here.”

Ben puts his hands on his thighs, taking some deep breaths, before rising his torso into an upright position again. “As you wish, but there is one little problem. We have only one ship with hyperdrive.”

Reys drops her hand, steps in front of him, her eyes grown wide with confusion. “Then...how the heck had you got here?”

“Exegol is connected to the World Between Worlds, once I figured that out I didn't need the holocron to find the way again. I kind of took a force-shortcut between Endor and Exegol.” He reaches out, touching her cheek. “All I had known was I had to get back to you and help you. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else matters but you.”

Her hand goes to his cheek, mirroring his gesture. Touching the part of his face, where the scar had been. The scar which is no longer there, because it belonged to Kylo Ren, not to Ben Solo. “I favour that instead of you telling me _I'm nothing but not to you._ ”

“Please, don't tell our future children”, he smiles, grinning as soon as he sees the surprise on her face.”

“I won't tell them, as long as you won't tell them I sliced open your face. Tough I guess they would love that part.”

Ben crushes his lips to hers, still smiling. “We need to get off of this planet”, he murmurs against her lips, not willing to let go of them.

Again it is Rey who thinks practically. “The Falcon. We'll com Chewie and Lando to pick us up.”

It doesn't take long until they see the familiar shape of the Falcon in the sky, heading towards their position.

As soon as the ship touches down, they run to it, climb up the ramp and drop to the floor as soon as the've made it inside.

“Hi little starfighter”, Lando sighs, looking down at them, “what took you so long to come back?”

They stumble forwards, heading for the cockpit. Lando let himself drop to the co pilots chair, while Chewie already is pulling up the Falcon, speeding it up as fast as he can.

“I need to make a call”, Ben says, reaching out for the com's switch from behind. “We need to stop this. Wait...they won't listen to me anymore.” He pulls back his hand, his jaw working. “Give me a holopad, I'll try something else.”

His fingers fly over the surface as soon as he has gotten hold of the holopad, hammering in code sequence after code sequence. “I've been planning to do this for a long time, leaving a backdoor open. Please transmit this to the First Order.”

“Rwaaaaarw?” Chewie asks, while already preparing the connection.

“Some kind of shut down code. It will block every single weapon on their ships. Being a bookworm has benefits sometimes”, Ben answers the Wookie. “But don't expect them to give up instantly. This is just...to get us all out of here in one piece.”

Chewie nods, as soon as the holopad has uploaded the codes, they recognize the firing of the First Order Ships stopps dead.

The Com beeps, Lando takes the call.

“Guys, they stopped!” Poe yells, one can tell he is overwhelmed with joy and relieve.

“You can thank our newly found ally later for that. Cancel the attack, we have to gather and consider our further steps carefully.”

There is only the crackling of static noise in the connection, then Poe asks “Ally? Who?”

“Ben Solo.”


	3. Are you kidding me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Ben Solo is an ally now? Are you kidding me?  
> Poe is not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still mourning.  
> still shitting on grammatics.  
> raw and pure emotion.
> 
> I'll post chapter 3 and 4 together, because I've been writing both of them today.

Again there is the crackling of static noise, but everyone on the Falcon can feel the thunderstorm approaching.

“Are you...are you kriffin' kidding me??” Poe says, the tone of his voice calm, too calm. Some klicking noise, then again his voice, still dead calm: “OK, nobody else is listening, it is just us. Tell me again. You....are joking, aren't you?”

“Listen”, says Rey, taking a deep breath, “it was Ben who killed Snoke. He did it to protect me. And...I killed Kylo Ren on Endor. I stabbed him into the chest with his own lightsaber. So technically Kylo Ren died down there on the ruins of the Death Star. It was Ben Solo who helped me defeat Palpatine, he revived me after I've died. I know this may sound confusing to you, but Ben is our ally, our friend. My...” She takes another deep breath, looking at Ben, stretching her hand towards him, which he gratefully takes. “He is my dyad in the force, my soulmate. We have been linked by the force, because the force was tired of the ongoing wars in the galaxy. It took us both some time to figure out, but now – we are one.”

Poes manic laughter makes Reys lips twitch. He does not believe her. “Poe, I know you don't trust me. You called me a bad pilot, you were angry at my for continuing my training and not being out there and fighting. But what you haven't been aware of was that there were far more bigger things ongoing than simply a Sith fleet rising.”

Poe huffs. “OK, you two, we are going to have to talk. And you have to have some pretty good arguments besides of that force stuff.”

Chewie cuts the connection, lets out a soft growl.

“I know, Chewie”, Ben mutters, “they are not going to believe me. The still see the monster in me. I can't blame them, honestly. They only know Kylo Ren, Ben Solo is a stranger to them.”

“But not to us, buddy”, Lando says. “Welcome home.”

For the second time on this day Ben breaks into tears.

Ben stays quiet most of the time, processing everything that had happened. Rey stucks by his side, nestled into his embrace. She had been taking care of his broken ribs, has been healing the remaining cracks in his bones, so he can move almost without feeling any pain now. Her hand rests on his chest, the very place she had stabbed him. Her fingers playing with the edges of the hole in his shirt, exploring the skin underneath the fabric.

They both are still covered with blood and sweat, but they don't care. Being alive, being together, this is everything that matters right now. For everything upcoming the force will guide them, although Ben is doubting it is going to be an easy task to convince Poe and the rest of the resistance leadership. Only few know about him being Leia's and Han's son, he can imagine quite clearly that they won't give him a very warm welcome.

“Don't think about it now!”, mutters Rey, who has been following his thoughts. As he is following hers. And despite being no stranger to having someone reading his mind, for the first time in his life Ben is enjoying this kind of mental connection.

“Rey, as much as I'd like to think about nothing else but you, I can't. If we want to be together properly, we have to make this work. I will have to prove them I'm worth their trust.”

She lifts her head, biting her bottom lip. Her eyebrows knitted together, she murmurs “Ben, we can simply disappear. Leave. Nobody will ever find us. We can go to the Unknown Regions or the Outer Rim, find a green planet to settle down.”

“No, we can't.” He lifts his hand to her face, his thumb tracing the line of her left eyebrow, until her expression relaxes. “There will be bounty hunters on our tracks. We would always be on the run, never at peace. I want to give you a home, make you happy.”

“As do I. But...I'm so tired of all of this. The Resistance claiming me for being their all so good Jedi hero, First Order claiming you for being their all so feared Jedi killer and Supreme Leader.”

“Oh, they hate me. They fear me. But they don't really see me as their leader. Maybe because I've never been. I've tried to stop them from taking children to brainwash them to bulk up the stormtrooper program. I've tried to change so many things, but they kept rejecting my ideas. They want control, not power. Because true power isn't defined through being cruel and making people fear you. True power is defined by showing respect for each other, taking care of each other. They are … they are a bunch of old men stuck in their pasts, not willing to let go of it. Because any kind of change would lower their privileges. It is all about gaining and losing power.”

A slight smile on Reys lips. “You can't deny who's your mother”, she says, catching his hand, pulling it to her mouth and kissing his fingertips, one by one. “Maybe you are right, maybe we have a chance to end this war. With your insight in the structures of the First Order, maybe...we can find a way to convince them.” Her lips rest on his digit, as light as a butterflies wing, as impacting as a falling star.

There is a knock on the door of their quarters, the ones they had been withdrawing to rest until they reach the resistance base.

“Come in, uncle Lando”, says Ben, who is well aware of the force signature of the man standing on the other side of the door.

The door slides open, and Lando steps in, smiling at the sight of them. “Just like Han and Leia used to be. An unbreakable bond. One could feel this just by the way they were looking at each other.” His smile deepens. “And arguing with each other.” He takes in their appearance. “Kiddos, we are going to land in two hours, better you get youself cleaned up a bit.”

“We've been in a battle, I think our appearance is pretty matching”, Rey huffs, nestling her head onto Ben's chest.

“Fair point”, Lando nods, “but...just think about it, yeah?” And then he is gone, leaving them to themselves.

“As much as I appreciate my warrior queen, we could at least...take a shower. Just...to feel a little bit less dirty.”

“It isn't dirt, it is battle damage”, mutters Rey. “Besides, you know how much I hate running around in drenched clothes. I was freezing to death after our encounter at the ruins of the Death Star. I had to burn your TIE to warm up a little bit.”

“You...” His mouth twitches in disbelieve. “You...didn't do that, didn't you?”

“I burnt it because I was terrified about what I have become. Kill you while you was distracted. You could have defeated me any time, but you were simply...letting me let off steam.”

“I like your dark side, you know? Don't be afraid of it, just...learn to accept it.”

“As much as I like the light side of yours. Teacher.”

He laughs. “Teacher, not master?”

“No more masters”, she murmurs against the fabric of his shirt. “We have to figure out how this balanced force things works, but I'm pretty sure the way the Jedi took wasn't right either. Denying emotions, forbidding attachment.”

“This was it what has caused Anakins fall. Not being allowed to love. How couldn't he love, when love is the force itself. He was right to love Padme. But he was wrong to not trust her.”

Ben gives her a soft pad on her back, tucks on the farbics of her wrap dress then. “Besides, you don't have to leave your clothes on when showering.”

Rey smiles against his chest, taking in a deep breath, inhaling his scent. Lando is right, they both smell like battle, but she actually likes Ben's scent, very much. It is calming and soothing, a mixture of linen, leather, and something like the smell of stones in the sun. Warm and comforting.

“You just want to distract me with your bare chest”, she says when finally lifting up her head, seeing his smile and thinking this is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. It is like a twin sunset, warm and full of hope. “Maybe I should distract you then, too.”

She is on her feet instantly, pulling him to an upright position. Ben pulls her to him, embracing her firmly with his arms, pressing his face against her chest. “Mine”, he murmurs.

“Mine”, she answers, pulling him close.


	4. Naked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey are finally talking to each other.   
> And getting naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs*  
> another day without Ben.   
> this is not acceptable.

Getting rid of her clothes takes longer than expected, mainly because Ben insists on unwrapping her by himself. Like he has been doing with his robes and his mask, Reys clothes have been her armour too. Hiding her from the others, not showing her true self, not to anyone, but him.

“People always keep telling me they know me”, Rey says, while carding her fingers through his mane, “nobody does.”

“But I do”, Ben replies, carefully folding her white wraps and placing the small bundle of fabric on the bed. “I always did, but at the same time I was blind. My experiences made me draw the wrong conclusions sometimes, misinterpreting your feelings.”

Rey stops stroking his hair, her face suddenly full of concern. “Ben, what if....this is the only peaceful moment we will ever get? What if they...”

“They won't, except they are really stupid. Blinded by their emotions.” He lets go of her, but only to have his fingers unlocking the closures of her belt. Her clothes really fit her body like a second skin, an armour. Every piece of fabric is wrapped so tight around her, like she needs the comfort of the fabrics embrace. Enough of this substitutes. She deserves so much more.

“Get up”, she demands, her hands already working to get him out of his shirt. And this time she smiles at the sight of his bare chest. And all Ben can think of is that her smile is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

She.

Is happy.

To see – _him_.

Suddenly his emotions crush down on him like the rocks of a collapsing cave. “Nobody ever wanted me”, he barely manages to say, “nobody but you, despite calling me a monster.”

“You were a monster, back then”, she nods, “but you have always been _my_ monster. A monster which was only one because of the wounds it had gotten. Like a loth cat running wild because of having a thorn stuck in its paw. Oh, don't look so surprised, you know I can be quite aggressive too when I feel trapped or endangered. There is nothing wrong with defending yourself.”

“But...I've hurt so many others.”

“And you've paid with your blood for it. You were dead, remember? Both of us. Now we are...reborn. Stripped of the burdens of our past, free to follow our own paths, not the ones some old men meant us to walk on.”

Ben laughs, but it is a laugh full of sadness. “Free of the burdens of our past? Not at all, probably never. But I like the thought of yours, making our own paths now. Like...walking into the shower, to begin with?”

Rey gets on the tips of her toes, kissing him with a softness that makes him shiver. “You're right, we are running out of time. And still stinky like bantha poop.”

Now Ben cracks into laughter, a genuine one. He scoops her up on his arms, like he has done it on Takodana, but now she is very much awake. And full of hope.

“Clothes”, she huffs, while wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I know. And I am so sorry we have to rush now. Next time – less talking”, he says, already knowing she will hate the thought of them talking less.

”Less clothes, more talking.”

They finally reach the fresher, and he lets her down. Rey sighs, stroking over his broad chest with both of her hands. “I've....never been naked in front of...anyone else.”

“Me neither, I mean....except for med droids. Are you afraid? Of getting naked in front of me?”

Her fingers keep tracing the scar on his left shoulder, the very one scar he got during his fight with Finn. The only scars that had disappeared during her force healing him on Endor are the ones she caused him in the past.“I have been hiding my whole life, trying not to draw attention to me. It is a bit strange for me to now _wanting_ attention. _Your_ attention. Maybe you'll find me to skinny...not beautiful enough.”

“Not...oh Rey”, Ben lets out a deep sigh, “I've been drawn to you from the very first moment I've seen you on Takodana. I've never have had any interest in being with women, and then there was you. I'm going to worship you for the rest of my life, even when we are both old and gray, our faces full of wrinkles. I mean...given that you want me too. I know I'm not what women consider as being handsome.”

Rey breaks into a smile. “Ben...you don't have any idea how handsome you are. The moment you took off your mask I was...drawn to you. I tried to burry this feelings deep inside me, like so many other feelings of mine, because you were bad and evil, my enemy. I felt ashamed for being drawn to you. But you know what? I was only ashamed because others expected me to not like you. Once I've recognized that this was about me, my decision, mine alone, I...reached out to you.”

“We are some kind of pair, aren't we? Broken and damaged, like shattered glass. Sharp edges, who will hurt everyone coming close.”

“You can't fix a broken mug, but you can take its shards and make a mosaic. Something new. Every scar, every edge...they are part of us. It just depends on how we look at them. If we see them as damage, or the chance to break with old habits and create something new, more fitting.” She knocks on his forehead with her knuckles. “You can't tell me that you did like your mask.”

“It was...useful, but no, I didn't like it. I needed it at some point in my life, bit I never liked it.”

Rey nods, then bends over to get rid of her boots, her trousers. Ben follows suit. They don't have to be afraid to see each other naked, they have been so much more intimate already. Merging their minds. This is far more being naked than getting rid of their clothes. And he enjoyed every second of it.

They both smile at each other, taking in each others body. It isn't a strange feeling at all, it feels organic. Like they were always meant to be this close.

And not only because they are dyads in the force, but because they know each other in a way nobody else will ever be able to know them. Their experiences, their fears, their hopes – all of it.

Ben scoops her up again, kissing her forehead. “Rey...I've never told you...I love you.”


	5. These are mine now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Ben need to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, my fellow reylos!
> 
> Chapter warning: brief mention about removing body parts, but doesn't actually happen

Rey blinks, holds her breath. Catching his look, seeing nothing but love and devotion in the depths of his eyes. When she finally speaks, it is barely more than a whisper. “I...feel it too. I mean...love. For you.” She shakes her head. “Sorry, I've...never said that before. Nor can I remember anyone ever said this to me. You know what I mean, since our minds are bound.”

Ben takes another step, closing the door to the fresher with the force and activating the shower with his elbow. Rey still in his arms they let the hot water wash away dust, dried blood and sweat. Ben's thoughts softly wrap around hers, like his arms do with her body. “I do”, he finally says, “but talking and feeling is not the same. Speaking out a thought loudly means, molding a feeling into something rational. Because words are, kind of, structure. Emotions are raw and pure, words have a far more sharper shape. I've learned this a long time ago when doing calligraphy – putting a thought into words is a powerful act. It is important. Therefore...as much as I enjoy our minds cuddling, I appreciate the spoken words too. Both is important. Feeling. Thinking.” He lets Rey down, starts rubbing her back with a bar of soap. “I wish we had more time for this, not just...getting clean.”

Rey steps one step back, so she can lean her back against his body. He is right, they don't have the time to explore each others body right now, but they will take their time. Soon.

His hands resting on her hips, he puts his chin on her head, nestling it into her wet hair. He hesitates to let his hands wander, and Rey puts her hands on his, forcing him to let the soap drop to the floor, then intertwining her fingers into his. But she does not move them. “Soon”, she says, “we need really take our time to do this. Properly. I want it to be...on our terms, not rushed because of the war ongoing.”

“You want to wait until the war is over?”

Rey sighs, softly pressing his fingers against her skin. “Kriff no! But – we'll need more than just two hours. Maybe we can sneak off, after the thing with Poe is cleared. I mean – we just defeated Palpatine, I think we deserve some kind of rest.”

She lets go of his hand, turning slowly around. “Your back, turn.” He does as she wishes, lifts the soap from the floor with the force. Rey takes the bar of soap and rubs it in her hands, until there is a huge floof of foam. She gently traces the scars on his back with her fingers while spreading the foam on his back. “So many scars”, she mumbles, “I know this kind of pattern. Did Snoke...”

“He used to torture me, saying it was for my benefit, to make me stronger. It did, in some kind, but at what cost. With every broken bone, every whiplash, a bit of my self died.”

Suddenly the ship starts vibrating, which coaxes a heavily sigh out of Ben. “We are entering the atmosphere, I guess we have less than ten minutes left to get ready and dressed.”

Reys lips whisper the ghost of a kiss between his shoulder blades, before starting to rub her body furiously. Ben laughs softly, doing the same.

They don't have any time left to look for fresh clothes, so they simply slip into their old ones. Which makes their efforts to get clean quite senseless, but nevertheless they feel a little less dirty now. And as Rey said before – they have been in a mortal battle, sure they have the right to look a bit messy.

So, when they finally waddle into the cockpit, they both are simply wearing shirt, trousers, boots. And, of course, their sabers. Rey's is dangling from her belt, Ben's – his mothers – is tucked in the waistband of his trousers.

Lando turns around to take their appearance in, lifts an eyebrow. “Kiddos, about properly dressing – we have to have a talk about it later.”

Rey puts on a knowing smile. “I'm fine with this. Just...a little less dirty would be fine.”

“Exactly”, replies Lando, his finger pointing at Ben. “But it suits you. Looks more like you than the other stuff you have been wearing recently.”

“Actually I liked his tunic”, says Rey, “the fabric was so delicate. Black silk with golden threads.”

“You noticed?”

“Sure. Just because I've been a scavenger this doesn't mean I don't recognize something beautiful at sight.”

Lando shakes his head, laughs softly. “Rey, I will tell you about Ben's grandmother someday. She used to wear the most beautiful dresses of all. Ben's sense for dramatic clothing runs in the family.”

The Falcon has nearly made it to the ground, clouds parting before them like silky veils. As soon as they are close enough, Rey lets out a surprised cry. “I know these forests and these lakes. This is Takodana!”

Chewie growls approvingly. _Thought you would like to see it again. Was my idea to meet here._

“Thanks, Chewie. What a wonderful surprise! I love all the different kinds of green.”

“Oh Rey, you are going to love Naboo then.” Ben smiles, knowing from her thoughts that she had never been there until today. There had never been _Resistance business_ for her during the last year which would have led her to Naboo.

As soon as they see the landing area, they recognize some people standing there. Their body language not quite as relaxed as Rey would have wished.

“Let me talk to Poe first, you stay here”, says Lando, leaving the copilot's seat and heading to the exit without waiting for their answer.

_Don't be afraid, I won't let them do any harm to you,_ growls Chewie, messing Ben's still wet hair with his large hand.

Rey and Ben decided to stay in the cockpit, where they are visible for the men awaiting them. They both can feel Poes emotional turmoil, he is not very pleased about Ben being here. So they sit in the back seats and wait, watching Lando and Chewie talking to Finn and Poe.

It doesn't take a long time and the Resistance leaders both enter the ship and join them in the cockpit.

Finn's grim face melts into pure joy as soon as he sees her. “REY! Gods, I thought I'd never see you again. I felt you dying...You okay?”

“You did....what?” Poe asks, suddenly to confused to keep his angry face, which he had put on to welcome Ben.

Finn lets out a deep sigh. “This was what I wanted to tell you, Rey. I....can feel...things.”

“You are force sensitive”, confirms Ben in the most serious tone. “I knew since the day you couldn't use you blaster on Jakku.”

Rey is in front of Finn and wraps him in a tight hug. “Why didn't you say a word...all these cryptic things you said...I was worried, you wanted to tell me you...um...well...would like me more than...appropriate.”

He shoves her away one arm length so he can look at her worried face, shakes his head then. “Rey, you are like a little sister to me. Besides, I love...” he stops, biting on his bottom lip. “Not important now. “

Poe stands there, armes crossed, a mixture of confusion and anger on his face. “Okay, Rey, as much as I am pleased to see you alive, what the kriffing hells does K-”

“It is Ben now. It always was. It was just burried under tons of hurt and pain”, Rey cuts of his words in a firm tone.

Poe lets out an annoyed huff “Sure. So it was Ben, who tortured me...how is this going to be? You talk, I talk?”

Ben rises from his seat, stretching his back, he is so much taller than Poe. And yet he seems so vulnerable at this moment. Rey sneaks her fingers into his hand, causing a slight smile on his lips, which vanishes as soon as he starts to speak. “I deeply regret what I have done in my former life. I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but I asure you that Kylo Ren died on Endor. I'm going to support you wherever I can to hunt the remaining ships of the First Order down. I know lots of intel, which may be helpful.”

Poe lets his arms drop, lifts his chin, holding Ben's gaze. “Don't talk as if you two were different people.”

“His scar is gone”, Finn throws in, “damn, look at him. He looks completely different now. No clenched fists, therefore relaxed movements, gosh, he....he even did just smile as Rey took his hand.”

Poe intensifies his stare. “Oh, how I'd like to kick you in the balls, honestly.”

“Try to do so”, Rey says calmly, “and I'll ripp off yours. These are mine now, and I won't let anyone touch them.”

Poes head snaps to Rey, his eyes growing wide. Here she stands, the softest smile on her lips, and yet he could testify that she just said...He bursts into laughter. “Rey, good gods, I'd never expected to hear these kind of words from you!”

“What, just because I'm a woman? You forgot where I used to live most of my life. I know how to talk to men when they get too cocky.”

His expression softens, then he huffs, far less annoyed than the last time, finally extending a hand to Ben. “I swear, if you ever hurt her, it will be me who is going to ripp off someones balls.”

“I already died for her, and I'd do it anytime again.” Ben takes Poes hand, pressing it firmly, but not too firm.

Rey giggles at this sight, just remembering how he had crushed the holocron with this very hand. But she is not going to tell Poe, never.

“Welcome to the Resistance, Ben Solo.”


	6. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe, Finn, Rey and Ben have a talk.  
> How are they going to deal with Ben's past?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest readers, 
> 
> how are you doing? Are you still traumatized by the ending of TRoS?  
> I am.  
> I am pissed. I am angry. I truly love Ben and Rey, and they deserve so much better.  
> This is a short chapter, the next one will be a longer one.
> 
> As always: every mistake is mine and mine alone, because I still write unbeta'd. raw and pure anger. 
> 
> I changed the rating to "Explicit" for the upcoming chapter 7, which is already written, but not corrected yet.  
> There will be smut, but it will be honest.

They are sitting in the communal space of the Falcon, Rey and Ben on storage boxes which they had converted into sitting accommodations, Poe and Finn at the dejarik table. Each of them provided with a cup of tea, because Ben had insisted they'd need some comfort because telling his story would take some time. The longer he talked, the more he felt Poes and Finn's thoughts grow disgusted.

Poe is sipping at his tea, putting the mug on the holo table, before he finally starts to speak. “Okay, let me summarize: Palpatine had been twisting your mind since before you were born? You...never have had _no_ voices in your mind? He had made you believe nobody loved you, your parents feared you, the students at Luke's temple hated you?”

“Yes.”

“And although you were brainwashed and tortured by him, you still had enough light in you to not completely fall for the dark side? You know...go full sith...”

“I tried so hard to be like Vader, to be without fear, without pain. But the more I tried, the more I felt torn appart. When Snoke told me to kill my father, I...tried to avoid crossing paths with him. I felt his presence on Starkiller Base, but I walked away. He...followed me and called for me. I...”

Rey places her mug on the floor, stands up and walks behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She can feel the pain tormenting his soul, but it feels different now. It isn't rage anymore, it has turned to some kind of ….she can't find the right words for it. So she pushes her feelings through the bond, whispering to Ben “Go on. You are strong enough to face your past.”

Poe and Finn can't hear what she is saying, but they both rise an eyebrow at the sight of the intimacy they both share.

Ben takes one of Reys hands, rises it to his lips, planting a soft kiss on it. “Stay”, he murmurs, and Rey does. She pulls him back softly, so he can lean against her body.

“Don't look so confused guys”, Rey says, “we share one soul, remember? We are both light and dark, together we are balanced. It would be a cruel thing of the force if it hadn't allowed us to fall for each other. Imagine being tied for the rest of your life to a person you hate. It wouldn't work.”

“As long as you are happy, I am too”, Finn sighs, “just....don't make out in front of us. Remember, you are like a little sister to me?”

“No making out, check”, Ben nods. “But we will hold hands so intensively everyone will be thinking we are actually making out.”

Poe snorts. “Well, I guess you will insist on sharing quarters on our base?”

“Absolutely”, Rey and Ben say unisono.

Ben takes a deep breath, slowly relaxing because of feeling Rey's body pressed flush against his back. She has always been having this power over him, calming the storm in his thoughts.

“Han wanted me to come back. Still. After all the unspeakable things I have done. I felt so desperate...how could he still love me? It must be a lie, Snoke had told me so. I...killed my father because I couldn't bear the thought of being outcast another time.”

Poes jaw is working, his mind too. “So basically it is similar to the stormtroopers background: kidnapped as kid, brainwashed, turned into a warrior.”

“It was worse”, Ben says, “because of my bloodline. It was my power Snoke and Palpatine wanted, not me. Never my mind, my thoughts, only my power. They were like parasites eating me alive. But at the same time telling me, them eating me was to protect me.” He pauses, lifting his head a bit. “Talking about stormtroopers – I think I can help them too. The First Order has large data vaults, because the are bureaucrats they love data. They stored every snippet of data they could snatch. So, of course, there are records about every stormtrooper. The can find their families, if we succeed retrieving this data.”

“But they can't remember anything. Their families will be strangers to them.”

“Nah”, Finn says, “ask Jannah. I think she will be pretty happy if it turns out that Lando is actually her father. And I'd love to find my family too. It is important to know where you come from.”

“Speaking about this”, Rey whispers, “there is something you have to know about my own family.”

“I know already”, Poe nods, “Leia told me.”

“What?” Rey lets go of Ben, pointing her finger at Poe. “You _knew it all along_? Why didn't anyone of you say a word to me!”

“Because you craved for having loving parents as your family. Not some who sold you into slavery pretending it was the best way to protect you from your grandfather.”

“I know I always wanted to know what had happened back then, but now...I wish I had never known. This isn't me, you know? I've been my own family. I had no one. I may have Palpatine's bloodline, but I have my own heart. My power isn't because of him being powerful, it is because I never gave up. I am strong on my own, I don't need blood ties. I never want hear this name again when it comes to my origins, you understand? I'm Rey. Just Rey. I need some training with my dark side, that for sure, but Ben will be my teacher. As I will be his with the light side. We walk our own paths now, we won't be used anymore as tools to finish some old mens stories. We will write our own stories. We will have our own family. And we will listen to each other, be honest, caring and loving. And of course we will kick ass if someone is going to treat our friends or our family.”

Rey stops, takes a deep, deep breath. “I'm so done with coming up to everyones expectations. Why can't I just be Rey? Sure, I am a Jedi....or something like that. Force user.”

“Gray Jedi”, Ben says, “the balanced ones. Not fearing compassion, being aware of all of your soul, not in denial of your dark side. You will never get rid of your darkness, but you can balance it with your light.”

“Oh, I can live with that. As long as you won't hurt anyone.” Poe nods.

“As long as there is no menace, be sure we will behave.”

Finn leaves the table, walks to Rey. “Lucky for you Ben has been wearing this bucket on his head most of the time, the First Order broadcasted only pictures of him wearing that damned thing on his head, he never showed himself to the crowd. Supreme Leader Buckethead. So only a few members of the First Order will know his face. And those few who may recognize him...”

“They won't”, says Poe. “People are kind of blinded by their expectations. We tell them Leia's son has been a prisoner of the First Order over years, brainwashed, tormented. Rey found him and helped him to escape, together they defeated Palpatine.”

“This won't work”, Reys shoulders drop, “Ben will always be at risk. Someone will recognize him. Someone will be longing for revenge. Wouldn't it be better to tell Kylo Ren defected from the First Order and joined the Resistance? Which is, literally, the truth?

Poe thought about her argument for a while, before shaking his head. “It will. We'll stick to Ben Solo having been a prisoner, announce Kylo Ren is dead...”

“Not too soon, I may need his identity to sneak into remaining First Order territories.” Ben says.

Poe tilts his head, shaking it slightly. “No need for that. We need Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. Let him stay dead, we don't need another guy coming back from the dead.” He holds his breath. “I mean, I'm glad you two made it out of Palps Sith nest alive, but...no. Not another dead guy speaking to us.” He lets out a deep sigh. “You know, all of us made bad choices, are responsible for the death of people. I carry my own guilt, being responsible for the death of many Resistance fighters because I had to prove what kind of amazing pilot I am. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had listened to Leia. Damn, I haven't yet told Rose I'm the one responsible of the death of her sister Paige. There are so many brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons who will never come back because of the decisions we have made. It is war. People fail. People die. Punishing you wouldn't be justice, it would be revenge. You already paid with your life for your sins. And if we want our future to be a better one, if we want to prove we have been learing from our mistakes, we are not allowed to stick to the same things that we used to do before making up our minds. Kylo Ren is dead, he had been executed by Rey. His story has ended.”

He stands up, walks to Finn, pats his shoulder. “Let's go, meet the rest of us. It is quite late, the sun will go down in about an hour. You two deserve some rest, and fresh clothes.”

When they walk down the ramp of the Falcon, Poe waves dismissingly his hand at the Resistance members waiting outside of the ship. “It's fine, guys, we are happy to introduce you to our new ally Ben Solo.”

Ben waves, smiles shyly. “Hello there.”

He can feel they are sceptical, but...not hostile. He carefully reaches out for their minds, looking for any sign they had him recognized as his former self, but there are no ones.

It doesn't take more than some seconds before the first of the men is smiling at him too. “Man, you look like you have been through some shit!”

“Oh, be sure I have.”

Their smile deepens.

And for a second Ben is willing to believe this is actually going work.

There may be hope, even for him.


	7. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you touch, when you are broken? How do you get close, when you don't know how?  
> Rey and Ben are going to find out.  
> More or less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so far the most challenging chapter, because I wanted to be honest. Sure, this is a fairy tale, and it will have it's happy ending, but they both have to work a lot of things out.
> 
> Chapter warning: SMUT! :-)  
> but it might not be as fluffy as you'd wish...

Despite looking like a ruin it turns out that Maz's castle hasn't been totally destroyed by the attack of the First Order over a year ago. The upper part may lie in dust and pieces, but underneath the debris there are large caverns and storage rooms, mainly untouched by the attack. When Maz had joined the Resistance she had allowed them to use her formerly home as makeshift base.

Poe and Finn had provided Rey and Ben with a bunch of dark blue and gray colored clothes, new brownish colored boots and some food, told them they could use one of Maz's cabins in the woods as their quarters so they can rest properly. Poe had insisted they don't get to wear the usual rebels uniforms, because they both are Jedi allys, which are still attached to their own paths, but nevertheless allys. As a man of military he knows pretty well about the messages being communicated through clothing, so in giving them more casually looking clothes he had made a point: they are allys, but not exactly rebels.

Ben wasn't totally happy with the choice of colors and fabrics, but Rey had promissed him to go scavenge some better matching clothes soon. So for now they were both fine with being dressed in clean clothes which weren't looking like anything they had been wearing recently.

When they finally manage to escape the crowd, they have been telling their story about defeating Palpatine nearly a hundred times. The rebels had wanted to know every detail, about how Palpatine had been growing Snokes in jars like some kind of … pickles. About the Sith acolytes who had been hoping for a reborn Sith empire. How Ben have been thrown down the pit and has been crawling it up with broken leg and rips to save Rey. How it had felt to die. What hair care he is using. How he had managed to break free of his brainwash. How Rey had choosen him over unlimited power. How his love has brought her back from the dead. How they both were reborn on a place which meant nothing than darkness and death.

 _My mouth hurts, I don't want to talk anymore._ Rey pants, _I just want to sleep two days and two nights. But on the other side, I don't want to sleep. I want to be with you. Maybe because I'm afraid you won't be there anymore when I wake up. Everything was just a dream, and you stayed dead, vanished, only your clothes left on the floor. And I'd been taking your shirt, because it was the only thing that was left from you. I'd bathe my nose in your scent and cry for months. I … saw this possibility in one of my visions. It was the worst of them. You gone. Forever._

Ben pulls her closer as they walk down the path to the cabin. _I would have come back. You know, the dark side has possibilities to trick death, but so has the light side. If you are one with the Force, you may find a way back. Like Ahsoka Tano did._

_Anakins padawan?I heared her voice on Exegol._

_Because Exegol is a gateway to the_ World Between Worlds _. It is beyond time and space._

_Good to know, I would have gone there to get you back to life._

_I know you would have._

When they reach their cabin, it is nearly midnight, but none of them is tired enough to go to bed right now. Too much has been happening during the last hours, days.

Ben kicks the bundle with his old clothes and boots under the table, still glad the Resistance had actually had some new ones in his size, and, far more important, comfy boots. “I love to spend the nights in the forests. It is so calm and soothing. All the different kinds of scents that seem to grow stronger in the dark, the whole world turning into shades of gray. Would my lady like to go for a little walk? Watch the stars? Make a midnight picknick? I haven't had any opportunity to enjoy starry skies and living plants for years.”

Rey grins. “Oh, you know pretty well I'm always in when it comes to plants. And food.”

Ben carrying a small backpack with food and a blanket, Rey happily humming at his side as they walk into the shades. He loves how she is still fascinated by all the living beings surrounding them. Animals, plants, all of it. Living on a desert planet the most of her life made her so hungry for everything green. She loves water. Rain, oceans, rivers. When he had been with her on Ahch-To, she had been dripping wet, but hadn't thought about changing her clothes because she has never felt the sensation of being in wet clothes before getting in touch with the dark side on this island. She had been freezing the whole time while sitting there with him, but she hadn't wanted to miss one second of this experience. Force, he had told her to get rid of her wet clothes, to take on dry ones, but she just had shaken her head. “I like water.” No need for further explanations. So he had sat there with her by the campfire, listenting to her. She was so beautiful, even if sad to the bones.

Her light never seems to vanish, it is always there for him to find his way back to her.

Rey stops, turns around, looking at the rocks surrounding them. They are mossy and full of tongue shaped ferns, bathed in silvery moonlight. It is the scent of humid soil, moss and stone that hits her senses, and suddenly, she remembers.

“It was right there”, she whispers. “Where we met for the first time.”

Taking a look too, he recognizes their surroundings likewise. “You are right … but I'm not sure if I feel comfortable with being here. Considering how our first encounter went.”

Rey drops her backpack, turning to him and freezing him with the Force instantly. “How do you feel?” she asks, her Force signature calm and still happily flowing around him like dancing butterflies.

_Taken by surprise, but … not in an uncomfortable way. I feel … save. Because it is you._

She nods, releasing him at once. Now free to move, he takes a deep breath. “I'm sorry, Rey. I didn't want to scare you. I was just … so drawn to you, like there was a red string connecting the two of us, pulling me closer to you. I couldn't resist. You are my water.”

She takes his hands, pulling him closer to her. “You are mine. But as you said: you felt safe. Same did I. I was angry because my friends were in danger, I was angry because … because I have been angry my whole life. Fighting for food, water, a save place to rest at night. And you, how dared you to come for me.”

“You shot first, my dear. You always did. Always attacking me first.”

Rey turnes her head, looking away. “True. I guess we are both not very skilled when it comes to talking to someone. Anyway.” She turns her head back to him, meeting his gaze. “I didn't feel fear, I was angry. _How dare you!_ Angry and full of rage. But at the same time … I somehow knew you wouldn't hurt me.”

“I did, on _Starkiller Base_. Invaded your mind. Threw you into the tree.”

“You have been blinded by the pain you went through. Besides, I sliced your face open. And – you weren't angry at me at all.”

“Never. Just in awe.”

“Hm”, she humms, “some may consider our relationship as kind of twisted.”

“I don't care, as long as you are happy. We both have to heal, to figure some things out, but as long as we won't stop talking and caring about each other, I'm fine with it. We are in this together. Taking the first steps on our new path. Our own path. Together. It won't be easy always, we may stumble, but as long as we keep on walking, together, it will be fine.”

Rey wraps her arms around him, resting her cheek on his chest. She loves being so close to him, feeling his warmth, smelling his scent, hearing his breath.

Breath.

Her body tenses, memories crushing down on her. “Ben, I'm so sorry I stabbed you. I was boiling with anger, you just had crushed my holocron, I … felt so ...”

“Dark?” He pulls her even closer, until their bodies lay flush. “I sensed your turmoil. So, when you stabbed me, I felt no anger about what you had done, I was just sad. Because I was that monster to you again. I should have been talking to you about Palpatine as soon as I had felt his presence, instead of trying to keep his interest in you a secret and try to turn you to the dark side. And when you finally did, you stabbed me. I knew I could't blame you. Because it was my fault. I should have been talking to you, helping you to deal with your dark side. You have come to the dark side, but as soon as it had happened, I knew it wasn't what I truly wanted. I wanted you. Rey. Just you.”

“My mistake was to assume it would be easy for you to get rid of your dark side. I wanted you to be light. I never thought about being both would be the right thing. For both of us. Dark _and_ light. Balanced. Ben ...” she breathes into the fabric of his shirt, “I was so stupid. So … stubborn. I thought I could show you the door to the light side and it would take you just one step to pass it. I didn't recognize you were bound in chains which wouldn't allow you even the slightest movement. You had to break free of your chains first.”

They both let out a deep sigh, digging their fingers into the bodies of the other. Being close to each other is the only thing that soothes both of them. How similar they are, how matching.

Ben rubs his cheek against her temple, burying his nose in her hair then. “I regret so many things, but I can't undo them. I just can try to never make the same mistakes again. Feeling you this close is all I have ever wanted since I had met you here. Smelt your scent. I was … taken in by your presence. Not only your Force signature, all of you. It felt like you were a piece missing in my soul I finally had found, a piece fitting in the hole I always have been feeling. Pieces clicking into place.”

She lets out a curt snort. “You liked my smell? I was a scavenger. There wasn't much opportunity to take a bath back on Jakku.”

“You smelt like sand and sun, warm and vibrating with life and light. It was like I had been sitting in a dark room and suddenly someone pulled open the door, beams of light flushing inside, dust dancing in the sunlight like golden stars.”

“You waited until I woke up by myself. You didn't force me to wake up.”

“I 've been watching you. Trying to understand what was happening. Who were you? Swirling light with fragments of darkness, wild and feral, loving and caring. I just wanted this moment to last forever. Because I knew Snoke wouldn't be pleased to see a strong Force user like you, not being on our side. I didn't want you to suffer the same things I had been going through.”

“Honestly, as you took off your helmet, I was … taken aback. How did you manage to keep your hair so fluffy under your helmet? Why was a man looking this outstanding handsome hiding his face under a mask? Now I know, it was your armour, to hide away your feelings from others.”

“Like we found out a few hours ago”, Ben murmurs against her hair.

His breath is tickling her as it brushes against her ear, and she giggles. “Sorry, it was just … tickling.”

“Never be sorry for feeling happy, cyar'ika.”

“Cyar'ika?”

“Mando-a for beloved. I like Mando culture because they give a shit about bloodlines. They pick their family, united by the same values and thoughts. They never forced her children to go away, they took orphans instead and rised them as their own children. They always felt more like being family to me. The kind of family I was craving for myself so badly.”

“You do want children?”

“I don't know, it is to early to decide. I mean, yes, of course, if you want some I'd love to build a family with you. But it is to early … we both need to heal from our inner wounds, otherwise we would pass them on to our children. I only want children if I can be sure they will be happy. Feel loved and save.” He sighs. “I was thinking about having a family with you after we had touched hands. I knew you were coming to the _Supremacy_ , I panicked a little and asked my med droid to give me a contraception implant. I felt the tension between us. I saw our kids in my vision. But … I knew I would not want them to grow up with Snoke lurking around them. Hurting them like he had done with me. Being held slaves for their powers. Being told nobody loves them. Nuturing the loneliness inside of their souls instead of fending it off.”

“Would it have changed anything if we had actually kissed in the elevator? I know you wanted to ...”

“Of course I did. Badly. But I needed to stay focused, hide away my compassion for you, because otherwise Snoke would have known I was going to kill him.”

“Kiss me now, Ben. _Cyar'ika._ ”

He is more than happy to follow her bidding. Their lips touch, warm and soft, tasting better than anything they had ever touched before.

Rey humms into his mouth, still a little insecure about how unexperienced she is.

_Don't be afraid, I feel it too. We simply try until it feels right, both of us are happy with the result._

She bites into his bottom lip, never stopping to smile at him. _I'm sorry about the rude words I used when I was talking to Poe. It was just to release the tension._

Ben lets out a sigh, his lip still caught between her teeth. _You know you can take whatever you want!_

When she releases his lip and lifts her head, her eyes are dark, and wide. Moonlight wrapping around her face, filtered by leaves and stardust. Their next kiss is less chaste, more passionate. Rey presses her lips against his, her tongue caressing the spot where her teeth had been. Ben doesn't need any further invitation, he follows her lead. She is still making the first move, like she always does, but this time it is all about them, only them, and their very own desires.

Her fingers pull on the fabric of his shirt, while her lips never lose contact to his, their tongues entangled and dancing around each other like trying to touch every single cell on them. Become one.

When they finally part to get rid of their shirts, Ben laughs softly. “We keep our promise, then. More talking, less clothes.”

Rey grins widely, slapping him playfully with her shirt. “Of course we do. Wait, where is the blanket?”

Ben looks for their backpacks, grabs the blanket and spreads it on the ground. It is a warm and soft farbic, thick enough to keep away the cold coming from beneath. Their bodies glow, emanating heat like they were set on fire. He can feel the warmth radiating from Rey, even if they were parted a few steps. They quickly get rid of their remaining clothes, always glancing at the other while doing so, a wide smile on their lips.

As soon as they are naked, Rey reaches out a hand to him. Ben takes it, lifts it to his lips and kisses each of her fingertips. His lips wander down her palm, planting soft kisses on her wrist, the inner side of her forearm. She puts her free hand on his hip, her thumb rolling in soft circles over his hipbone, while digging the nails of her other fingers into his skin. His lips wander up her arm, circle her throat. Soon Ben kneels down in front of her, never letting his lips lose contact with her skin. He continues kissing his way down between her breasts, planting a soft peck at each of them before picking up his path down again.

Rey lets out a soft growl, enjoying the heat his lips ignite in her whole body, but mostly beween her thighs. It feels like her body is boiling with heat, all she can think is _closer, closer, CLOSER! Not even close enough!_

Because she is feeling Ben's emotions too she knows he is feeling the same. He is still holding back, she can feel he is nearly overflowing with emotions. When his lips finally reach her soft curls of hair, she throws back her head and growls even louder. Her fingers nestled into his hair she pulls him closer, her body starting to tremble with desire.

His arms wrap around her, and faster than she can think he has scooped her up and laid her down on the blanket. He hesitates, lifts his head, waiting for her to catch his eyes.

“Yes!” is all she can manage to say, before throwing her head back to the blanket, wrapping her legs around his neck.

He plants a kiss on the inner side of her thigh, before going back to exploring her curls. Taking in a deep breath of her scent, he tries to focus on her feelings, her desires. He wants to give her the sweetest pleasures, make her feel loved and happy and whole. Although he has never done this before, he had been studying some books about making love, because he'd wanted to understand why everyone in his surroundings was utterly obsessed with nakedness. He never understood. Never, until he has met Rey.

 _Relax your legs a bit, I need space to move_ , he lets his thoughts flow to her, feeling her relaxing her legs immediately, opening up her body for him.

Ben stops, holding his breath about seeing her this bare and open for him. Her thoughts are flowing around his, happily and warm, and hungry for more. When his lips finally touch the delicate skin of her folds, her legs relax even more, giving him all the space he needs. Baring her to him. More vulnerable and stronger than she has ever been.

He lets her bodily reactions and her feelings guide him. The more her thoughts glows with desire, the more he concentrates on said spot. His tongue wanders down from her bud to her entrance, exploring carefully the unknown regions. She is dripping wet, he barely can't believe she is. Wanting him, _him, the monster!_

 _My monster, always mine!_ her thoughts dance around his, her fingers stroking his hair.

Rey trembles, as he dips his tongue inside her, pulling him closer. His nose is rubbing against her bud, gods he always had hated it for being so big, but now, now it shows his nose has the perfect size to please her and to coax little cries of pleasure out of her.

 _Closer!_ she demands, and Ben does as she wants. He detangles one of his arms from her legs, planting the tip of his finger against her entrance. She is so wet and slippy, he still can't believe it. He bathes his finger in her wetness until it is fully covered, before slightly starting to shove it inside of her.

The feeling is outstanding for both of them. Their minds entangled, feeling the own sensations as well as the others, this is more intense than everything else they have ever been experiencing. While continuing to enter her, he tries to remember everything his finger is feeling on its way inside. It is warm and soft and … Force, his mind nearly explodes at the sensation of feeling her feeling him inside of her.

She suddenly pulls back his head, robbing him of the pleasure of tasting her. “Closer”, she whispers, “I want you closer. All of you.”

He hesitates, not sure if they aren't going too quickly on this part. But all he can feel is her desire, raw and pure, her thoughts only swirling around about how it may feel like when he is finally inside of her. Ben pulls out his finger, slowly, putting it in his mouth and tasting her one last time. Then he touches her again, rubbing three of his fingers over her folds to gather some of her wetness, rubbing it all over his length before moving his body over hers and placing the tip at her entrance.

She tilts her pelvis, he instinctively grabs her hips with one hand to help her finding the right angle.

He catches her eyes, smiling at the sight of her, nodding.

She feels so tight, Force! He nudges against her entrance cautiously, waiting for her to open up a little more. Pushes again.

And stops.

Rey is letting out a feral cry, her fingers digging into his back and her walls clenching around the tip of his penis, pulsating rhythmically. Her emotions crush down on him, he instantly reaches out for her in the bond because he can feel something is off, despite having her climaxing around him.

“I lost you I lost you I lost you I lost you ...” she cries, tears streaming down her cheeks, her body trembling with both the last waves of her orgasm and deepest desperation.

Ben pulls out immediately, resting his length on her belly. Rey can't stop crying, there is too much emotion for her to overcome. “I lost you I lost you I lost you ...” she repeats, although barely being able to breath because of sobbing. All the emotions she has been locking away are now flooding his mind, the feeling of him dying in her arms, being ripped of half of her soul, alone again. It seems like her orgasm had broken her chains and opened the door for her, carrying all her other emotions with it, ripping it out of her soul, unlashing the storm.

“I'm here, Rey, look at me!” He frames her face with his large hands, forcing her to hold his gaze. “I am here.

 _Alive._ ”

She barely manages to nod between two sobs, wrapping her arms closer around his body, as do her legs. “Please … I need to feel your weight. I need to feel you are here, with me. I need to feel this isn't just a dream. A nightmare. And when I wake up I'm all alone again. For the rest of my life. Rotting on a sandy planet with the ghosts of the dead as my only company.”

Ben plants his elbows next to her arms, before slowly letting his body sink onto hers. As soon as his skin touches her, his weight is pressing her down, he can feel her relax a little bit.

They both stay like this for almost an entire eternity, not moving, just holding each other close.

When she finally stops sobbing, her voice is barely more than a whisper. “I felt so heartbroken after leaving you on the _Supremacy_. I felt like you didn't want me, just my powers to boost yours. I didn't want to be your empress, to rule the galaxy with you. I just wanted you, _you_! And you were denying me my deepest desires. Being loved for simply being Rey. I checked on you before leaving, held my forehead pressed against yours, desperate to feel the tiniest bit of compassion for me inside of your mind. But I only felt anger and pain. I left because I … couldn't bear the thought of being with someone who doesn't love me. I know, I know, _now_ I know how much my own anger and pain had been blurring my mind. We both have been blinded. And so I did what I've always done when something disturbing happened to me – I locked away my emotions. Put on that brave smile everyone in the Resistance expected to see on my face. Chewie was the only one who had felt my pain, but I didn't let him in. This was my pain, mine, I didn't want him to share this burden with me.”

Ben shifts his body a little, so he is lying on his side now, his head resting on her chest. “Rey”, he says with his voice harsh because of the turmoil he is feeling inside, “I didn't want to hurt you, again”

“No, you didn't.”

He snorts. “I'm in your mind, remember? As soon as I felt your body wasn't ready the damage was already done. You _wanted_ this, with your mind, but your soul and your body weren't ready yet. I … couldn't sense it, because … well, you know I'm new to this too. I wasn't aware of the fact that there are obviously different kinds of desire, this wasn't mentioned in any of the books I've read.”

“It is fine”, Rey mumbles, “it only had hurt a little. It was all at the same time: hurt, desire, desperation. My orgasm.” She stops, a shy smile curving her lips. “My first one.” Her fingers caressing his neck, wandering to his shoulder, where her scar had marked him as hers. He isn't hers less now with the scar gone, but they don't need to mark each other with scars any more. “I have to admit, this was … unexpected. I mean … not being able to go on. Ben, I really want to do this with you. I just wasn't aware of my body being blocked by my locked away feelings.”

“Too much emotions”, Ben whispers approvingly, rubbing his nose against her breast. He is relieved to hear the smile in her voice, even if it is just a shy one. “Your soul was looking for a way to deal with it.” He kisses her breast again, still avoiding to touch her nipples, because they seem far too delicate to be touched, and because Rey hadn't shown him any desire in being touched there. She had guided him straight down to the center of her arousal, full of impatience. “I have an idea.” He rolls on his back, sitting up, cross-legged, and stretching out a hand to her. Rey rubs her hands over her cheeks to get rid of the tears, sighs, and gets up too, crawling to him. Resting her cheek against his arm. “Broken beings we are”, she says, but there is less bitterness in her words than he had feared.

“Yes, indeed. But we promised each other to heal, together. And I am loyal to the bones, be warned. We will get this, it may not be tomorrow, but we will. Together. Now, sit on my lap.”

Rey lifts her head, looking at him confused.

“What … no, Rey, no! I don't want to try it again, not now. I want to try something different. Get on my lap, please.”

“Ben Solo, what are you up to?” she asks, trying to tug the thought out of his mind, but he has closed the bond just a little bit so she can't feel it.

“Trust me.”

She lets out a deep breath. “There it is, our old scar. Failing to trust each other ...”

His hand grips closer around hers. “I won't try laying the pipe, I promise.” His voice is deadpan, Reys eyes grow wide and than she starts to laugh. “No, I don't think you are ever going to try this. _Laying the pipe_ is reserved for people who do not know how to love with whole of their heart and soul. You, Ben Solo, are not the type for laying the pipe. _You_ want to _make love_.”

His smirk is so heartwarming she nearly forgets her sadness spot on. “Oh, of course I do. As often as my lady wishes to do so.”

Rey straddles him, letting her sink on his lap. She can feel his length, now soft and cozy again, rubbing against her bud slightly. She smirks too, before sadness is back on her face. Ben wraps his arms around her, pulls his crossed legs closer. Rey understands immediately what he is up to, embracing him too with arms and legs. They both stay in this tight embrace for the duration of a few heartbeats, before Ben kisses her. _Breathe_ , is all he pushes into her mind, before opening his mouth slightly, letting her feel the warmth of his breath. Rey inhales his breath, exhales – and now Ben is the one inhaling her breath. They both breathe each others breath, slowly, fully focussed. They are one. One soul, one body, one life.

Ben releases her lips, bending his neck so his forehead rests against hers. “You won't lose me. We are a dyad in the Force, remember? We share one soul, one life. We cannot live with only half of our soul, so I guess … if one of us dies, really dies, the other will follow. So no one of us has to feel lonely and heartbroken.”

“But I am younger than you, almost ten years. How have you been living then when I wasn't even born?”

“I don't know, maybe we never will. Maybe the Force doesn't care about time, as long as it stays balanced.”

Rey nods. “So … what was it what we just had? Does it count as having had sex?” She reaches out for his lip again and bites him softly.

“I don't care” mumbles Ben, as good as he can with his lip being held hostage by Rey. “We are already bound in so many ways, it really doesn't matter. We can go slowly, so slowly it drives us crazy with desire. The more arousal, the better.”

“Sounds like a very good plan”, she says after letting go of his lip. “But … what about trying to find some sleep now? There have to be only a few hours left until daybreak.” She sighs. “And we have totally forgotten our food, we wanted to picknick.”

“Oh, I actually had a very delicious snack”, Ben smirks, his smile growing into a big grin at the sight of Rey blushing. He brushes over her lips with his thumb. “I want to do that again. I've never felt so happy before like when feeling your pleasure. This is ...” he stops, taking in the surprised look she gives him, “this is important for me. To feel I can actually make someone feel good. Happy.”

She kisses his thumb. “See, Ben Solo, this is one of the reasons why I love you. You have a loving heart, are thoughtful, understanding, gentle, tall, honest, playful, strong, soft, vulnerable, feral, generous. And so much more. I want to spend the rest of my life enjoying you.” She tilts her head. “Are you ... are you crying?”

“Did you just … propose to me?”

“What, no, I mean ...” She takes a deep breath. “I haven't been thinking about _that_ right now, but … yes, of course it would be nice to be married to you some day.”

He quickly drops a kiss on her nose. “I was actually trying to make a joke. I failed, obviously.”

“Ben Solo!!” She slaps him in mock indignation. “Never joke about something like that.” She rubs her nose against his. “You can always cry if you need to. You don't have to hide your tears and pretend to be a _tough guy_. Not when you are with me. I will never make fun of your tears, your feelings. You know I won't.”

He pulls her closer to him, burying his nose in her hair. “I know. I'm just not used to being allowed to show my feelings.” He briefly brushes his thoughts against hers, feels a little shadow which hadn't been there before. “Rey, I didn't want to reject you. When I said I've made a joke, it wasn't about not getting married to you, I just … I'm really not used to someone actually liking me.”

“It didn't hurt me”, she murmurs, “it was just – I never thought I'd find someone who loves me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me.”

“I do, Rey. I do, because I love your strength, your softness, your ability to find the tiniest little flower in the desert, I love how you never gave up on me, yourself. Of course I want to marry you. We may already be kind of married in the Force, but I want everyone to know we are one. Rey and Ben Solo.”

Now it is Rey who breaks into tears. “You'd give me your family name ...”

“Technically it could be Skywalker, Organa or Naberrie too, considering my ancestors.”

“I'm no Skywalker”, she hastily replies, “that name is bound to the fall to the dark. How could I ever want that name? Anakin was born into slavery, he choose power over love. Luke let his fear nearly kill you. Leia couldn't protect you.” She pauses, huffing into his hair. “Han was the first person who saw my potential. He wasn't really nice to me, but he showed me respect. He was fine with me being just Rey.”

“Because he was just Han, before someone attached the _Solo_ to his name. Names can be powerfull, as I can tell from my own experiences. For me your name has always meant _everything_. I didn't need to know your bloodline, I liked you because you were Rey. Sure, I was trying to break through your defenses ...”

“You wanted me to be honest to myself, no longer lying to myself. Ben, I reached out to you after my experiences in the dark cave on Ahch-To because I felt you were the only one who truly understood me. You may have been harsh sometimes, but you never tried to put me down. You always wanted me to reach out, grow. Become who I am. Free of ...” she kisses his hair, “free of my past. But I can't deny my bloodline ...”

“About that, Rey,” Ben says, softly kissing his way from her ear to her cheek, kissing her tears away, slightly resting his lips on her skin then. “Palpatine has always been an expert when it has come to manipulations and lies. The more I think about it, the more I feel this is not the truth. You may be strong in the Force, in the dark side, but I doubt you are actually bound to his bloodline. Simply because: he lurked around me, not you. If he had known about you from the very beginning, why didn't he invade your mind, like he has done with mine? He had found me across the galaxy, why not you, if the ties to you should have been even stronger because of your shared bloodline? It simply doesn't make sense. I believe he only said that because he knew having no family was your weak spot. He wanted to break your mind. That's all. Lies and manipulation.”

He wasn't aware of her body being tense until she relaxes her muscles now. They both let their thoughts flow, now calm and serene.

And – exhausted.

“Getting some sleep sounds like a very good plan”, he whispers, opening his arms so she can detangle herself from him. “And we can picknick tomorrow, for breakfast, if you like to. Sitting by the lakeside, watching the sun rise.”

They both dress quickly, surprised by how tired they feel suddenly.

Gathering their backbacks and the blanket.

On their way back to their cabin they hold hands, their fingers interlaced.

These are the first steps on their own way. It won't be easy all of the time, but they are in there together.

And nothing else matters.


	8. Join me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben enjoing their first night together, their first morning.  
> They never felt happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear reylos, 
> 
> CHAPTER WARNING: more smut! :-)
> 
> The two needed some quality time together, honestly. 
> 
> I'm still writing without beta, so all errors belong to me.

Back in their hut again, Rey yawns loudly, dropping her backpack on the table and kicking off her boots and socks. “I hope we get some sleep now.”

Ben, who is busy preparing their bed, turns his head to smile at her. “We will. We are together, we will make a tight bundle of limbs and then happily be snoring until sunrise.”

Rey laughs softly, wiggling with her naked toes. “Sounds amazing.” She continues to undress, slipping out of her light gray trousers and the dark blue wrap shirt, hanging it carefully over the back of the chair. She unhooks her lightsaber from her belt before draping the belt on top of her clothes. With a flick of her hand she places her saber with the Force next to Ben's, which is already laying on the nightstand.

When Ben had finished arranging their pillows and blankets and turns around to undress too, she is standing there, in all her naked glory. One arm dangling, the other one crossing her belly, her hand covering the elbow of the dangling arm, just like her bracer is covering her scar. Ben takes his time to let his eyes wander over her body, from head to toes and back again. She looks a little bit insecure, which lets him rise an eyebrow.

“Talk to me, beloved, what is making you uncomfortable?” He hurries to get out of his clothes, placing them more hastily on the chair than Rey did with her clothes, but never breaking eye contact with her. As soon as he is naked, Rey drops her hand and walks over to him. “Not uncomfortable, just … a bit insecure. I don't know how to do this. Having a relationship. A good one. All I want is being happy with you, but I'm a bit scared we will mess it up. Argue a lot. Fight. Forget to talk to each other. Just like … we have been doing for the past year. This was such a huge step backwards. From complicated lovers back to complicated enemies. It had made me furious. You being so stubborn. Me being so stubborn. Not listening to each other, not open for new perspectives.”

Ben reaches out both of his hands to her, which she takes immediately. “I'm no less scared, but I believe in us. We have come so far already, from complicated enemies back to almost lovers.”

Rey tries to kick his shin halfhearted, but Ben manages to craddle her in his arms and scoop her up before she can hit him. “Are we … being to serious about this? I mean … maybe we should relax a bit, having more fun together?” she asks, wrapping her arms around his neck. “We have to, right? Because being to serious about our sexual inexperiences will drive us mad. Make us frustrated.”

Ben turns around and walks to their bed, letting her down onto the bedsheet, joining her as soon as she has made space for him. “I have been reading some books about the physical possibilities. We can talk about it, without emotions. Just … learning the facts. You know … separate the issues. We are insecure about the technical stuff, but isn't this just like learning how to work with a new tool? You try it until it works. I mean … so we have our minds free of doubts and insecurities when we touch each other again. We can focus on our emotions.” He turns his head to the table. “Kriff, I forgot to turn off the lantern.”

Rey lifts her digit a bit, makes a slight movement, then darkness surrounds them. “Don't you dare to leave our bed, Ben.”

He lifts the blanket with the Force and covers their bodies. “ _Our bed_. I like that. My most favorite place in the whole galaxy: every place where you are next to me.” He reaches out, resting his hand on her cheek. “How … do you … which one is our favorite sleeping position?”

Rey leans in to kiss him, a sweet and tender kiss, before rolling to her side and turning her back to him, her bottom pressed against his thigh. “I used to sleep like this, rolled into a small ball, my staff within reach, always.”

He rolls to his side too, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Me too, always laying on my side and my saber placed next to my pillow. Looks like we are a perfect match, always watchful! But now we can guard each other.” His nose wrinkles at the scent of leather. “Rey, may I?” He drops a kiss on her shoulder, his hand wandering up her arm, until it reaches her bracer.

“It looks like touching hands, my scar. This is why I have been hiding it. It always reminded me of what we could have had but did not get.” She lifts her hand to touch the leather. “I was so used to wearing it, I forgot to throw it away when changing clothes. Old habit, putting it back on after showering.”

His fingers slowly loosen the leather strap, unwrapping it from her arm, throwing it behind his back. It is too dark to see the scar, but his lips find it with ease. Kissing it, all of it. _We have it now. Never hide your scars from me, promise? As I promise I won't hide mine. They can't heal if we don't allow them to breathe._

She nods into the darkness, he can feel her movement rather than see it. A small sob is all she makes, before reaching back with her other hand to lay it on his cheek. “Some may heal, some may never. Are you angry I accidentally healed yours?”

He turns his head so he can place a soft kiss on her palm. “No. I have been feeling so lost when you had left me again, just after telling me you had wanted to take my hand. I didn't even notice it wasn't there any more. To be honest, I liked my scar. Because it was from you. My strong and beautiful wife. Snoke didn't allow me to apply bacta batches to heal it properly, because he wanted the scar to be a visible mark of my failure, my weakness. But I never saw it as that. I always saw you, standing there, feral and glowing brighter than any star in the galaxy.”

“You know, you are the only man I know who isn't scared facing a strong woman.”

“Rather turned on, I may confess.”

Rey snorts. “Oh, don't remind me of that. Being able to read peoples minds is a pest sometimes. You have no idea how many of them wanted me for my power, but not as an equal, just to own me. You know … see me as some kind of prize they could win and show off to their buddies. It was disgusting. But it never was when seeing that longing look on you. Because you saw all of me, me being your equal.” She kisses his palm again. “And that, Ben Solo, that is something that turns _me_ on.”

He wraps his arm around her again, pulling her close to him, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Me too, cyar'ika, me too. It isn't fun to play with someone who isn't at your level of power.”

She grabs his hand and tucks it under her cheek, kissing the inner side of his wrist. “About learning how to use our _tools_ – sounds like a good plan. I mean, I know there is the male part which is pushed into the female part, but … there has to be more.”

Ben laughs softly, kisses her shoulder once more before resting his head on his arm. “There is. Much more. What about that. I'll tell you everything I have read in said books and we decide together which of the techiques we want to try. If someone has a weird idea, we talk about it, not hiding any desires. Share. The only thing which is important is that it is pleasurable for both of us, no matter how weird it may be. Agree?”

“Agree. Be my teacher.”

“Be mine.”

When Rey wakes up, it takes her a few moments until she realizes where she is. With whom she is. Their bodies are still in the same position, pressed flush together, skin to skin, their fingers interlaced. Ben is breathing deeply, still asleep, and Rey's eyes swell with tears at the thought how beautiful this sounds. Hearing him breathe. Feeling is broad chest rise and fall against her back. He is alive. He is here. They are together. They had spent their first night as a couple, it feels so organic and surreal at the same time. Rey swallows, concentrating on her breath to calm down her emotions. Everything is fine. He is alive.

 _Very much_ alive, considering the pressure she is feeling from his length pressed against her bottom. She can't avoid giggling, which results in waking up Ben.

“Good morning, cyar'ika”, he mumbles, pressing a soft kiss on her neck.

“Sorry for waking you up”, she replies, kissing his fingers, which are still interlaced with hers.

“No need to feel sorry, I'm glad my boner cheers you up.”

She wiggles with her bottom, Ben instantly answering her challenge by throwing himself on her and covering her with kisses all over her face and throat, while Rey is laying on her back and trying to shove him away, but simply can't because she is giggling so hard she can't concentrate.

Ben stills, carefully balancing the weight of his body on his knees and elbows, watching her with awe. “This”, he says, as Rey's giggling finally has turned into a serene humming, “this is what we need. Lighthearted happiness, being playful, joyful. Just enjoying ourselves.”

She takes a deep breath, lifting her head so she can feel his hair dangling on her face. “We both are not used to having fun, aren't we? We are out of practice. We both have been forced to be earnest, focused on our target. Surviving, somehow. No place for happiness.”

They both let out a weary sigh, before Rey lifts her head to kiss him. “Good morning, Ben.”

He kisses her back, eagerly. _Good morning, Rey._

The sensation of their lips touching is a mixture of serenity and excitement, it soothes them and makes them dizzy at the same time. They drink each other in, now more relaxed and focused than they were last night. No need to hurry, no bad conscience about getting to less sleep because of making out. Ben breaks their kiss, dropping one on her nose. “It seems we are getting some practice already.”

“Hmhm”, humms Rey, her fingers playing with his mane, “it feels different now. Somehow – more intense, despite not being as passionate as last night.”

Last night. Rey's memories wander, she can feel Ben's thoughts following hers. “I liked how you kissed me, down there”, she says. “It was mindblowing. Feeling your lips, you tongue. Tasting me on your lips when we kissed later.”

“Would you allow me another round?” he asks, although already knowing her answer, regarding how her eyes beam with joy at the thought of feeling him again. But he wants to hear her say it loudly, addressing her wishes. He is craving to hear her say that she wants him, because Rey is the only one who ever said she wanted him. And because it is Rey, it is more than enough. Being loved by her makes up for decades of not being loved by anyone. Or … at least not being loved enough to let people believe in him.

“Shouldn't it be your turn now?” she asks, her fingers still stroking his hair.

“Later”, he says, lowering his head so he can tickle her with his hair. “There is just one thing, I want to ask you.”

“Yes?”

“How … how do you call yours?”

Rey lifts her head, tilting it a bit, furling her eyebrows. “I … don't call it … specifically. It was a place of mess once in a month, the rest of the time, I barely thought about it. Do we need words?”

“I think it would be an huge step forwards to name it. Because giving it a name means being fully aware of it, its importance. Not to um and err. I call mine penis, boner, but this seems so sterile. Truly like naming a tool. What about … you'll name mine, and I'll name yours? Sorry, I didn't want to rush ...”

“No need to sorry”, she says, “I like this.” She lets go of his hair and slides her hands down his body, stills as soon as her fingers touch his belly. “Get on your back, I want to take a look.”

“Rey, you aren't trying to trick me?” Ben is on his back within an heartbeat, wiggling his body until he is comfortable rested on the mattress.

“No”, she says softly, “you'll get what you desire. I really just want to take a look.” She sits up and places one hand on his hip, gathering her hair with the other and throwing it at her back before lowering her head and looking very concentrated at his manhood, her eyebrows knitted and her nose slightly wrinkled. The lighting in their room is still dimmed, but it is enough for her to recognize some nice details.

Ben can't avoid to break into a grin. “Of course you can touch me, if you want to.”

While saying this, the room has gotten lit with the first beams of the rising sun, painting orange patterns on the walls, giving Rey a better sight on him.

 _Watching sunrise?_ he asks, remembering they had talked about doing so last night.

“Tomorrow”, she replies, stroking with her fingers over his length, “I've seen sunrises before, but never a … this close.” She carefully traces one of the veins with her fingertip. “It is so soft and hard at the same time. And … Ben”, she blushes, “you are … quite huge. Are you sure it is going to fit inside of me? I mean … how?”

“Muscles”, he says, “when you are aroused they relax so they can be stretched. Have you never touched yourself?”

“I had put a finger inside of myself once, it wasn't pleasurable at all. Like putting a finger in your nose. It felt just tight, not exciting at all. Just … feeling pressure, and a little pain.” She wraps her fingers around him, bending her head so she can look at him properly. His penis is nearly as wide as his lightsaber, her fingers not able to circle it completely.

Lightsaber.

A playful smile at her lips, she bends her head deeper and kisses his tip. “I know how to call yours now. _Delightsaber_.”

Ben lets out a huff, being floored. “Rey, you are going to be the death of me.”

She halts, her grip around him loosening instantly. “Not funny, Ben.”

“I mean you are killing my mind.”

“Not funny, either.”

“Rey”, he sighs, sitting halfway up, looking down at her while resting the weight of his torso on his elbows. “I like your name for my penis. But isn't it a bit too long to pronounce?”

“Nah,”, Rey kisses his tip again, making Ben growl once more, “I guess it will be _lighty_ or _deli_ for short.” She gives him a lick, tender and carefully. He tastes different than she does, she can't describe it because it tastes like nothing she has tasted ever before. One more lick, and Ben is closing his eyes, letting out a deep breath.

“Rey, you said you only wanted to take a look.”

_Are you complaining?_

“No, not at all. But ...”

_You are afraid I'm being to hasty again, aren't you?_

“A little bit, yes. I can sense your curiosity, but there is nothing more. You need to be in the right mood to enjoy it. Not just … following the instructions in the manual.”

Rey presses her cheek against his length. “You are right. I'm curious, that for sure, but … not ...”

“It's alright. You want to get kissed, I want to kiss. We can't force ourselves to _want_ something we don't _want_. When the time comes, we will both be ready for the next step.”

She nods, rubbing her cheek against his delightsaber, then turning her head a bit so she can kiss her way up to its tip, giving it one last kiss before she sits up. “I want you, Ben. I want you to kiss me, like you did last night. I want to be yours.” She lets herself drop backwards, feeling Ben's thoughts swirl around hers, picking up her desires. “You … really are wanting this, make me … explode … again.”

Ben leans down to kiss her, caressing her lips with his, before parting from her. “Yes. Many, many times.” He quickly takes in their bed, before shoving his arms underneath her body and dragging her a little bit to the upper end, so he finds space to settle one of his knees beween her legs. Balancing his body on his arms, he kisses her jawbone, her chin, her throat, softly nibbling at her skin, overwhelmed by the scent of hers and the feeling of her fingertips caressing his back. He kisses every freckle of hers, connecting them with the tip of his tongue to fancy stellar constellations. When he softly lets out his breath, Rey is shivering because of the cooling sensation on her wet skin. A thought blooms up in her mind, Ben instantly picking it up and following her lead. His tongue wanders down between her breasts, he blows his breath against her wet skin again.

“Was that … in one of your books?” she asks, her head pressed back against the pillow.

 _No,_ he starts kissing his way up to her left breast, _but you are inspiring me to many things. You have no idea what my thoughts came up with during the past year._

_Show me._

_Hm, sure? I wasn't your Ben at that time, still Kylo. It may be to … feral._

_You always were my Ben hidden underneath my Kylo. I never feared you, remember? Show me._

He sighs against her breast, dropping another kiss, before pushing one of his fantasies across their bond. He can feel her body tensing instantly, but her thoughts aren't rejecting his fantasy at all.

_I saw something similar, in my visions. It never scared me, just … made me uncomfortable. Now I know it was because I was denying myself being passionate. Being allowed to have desires. I was angry about myself because a part of me wanted to bang you, all of you. Light and dark. I wanted to be yours._

Ben rubs his nose against her breast. _Hm, so that's what the '_ give it … to me!' _was_ _about._

She digs her nails into his skin, making him growl. “Actually, I would never have let you touch me until you haven't embraced your light side, but the desires were there, undeniable. I thought stubborn you, why can't you just run away with me, leave it all behind … just the two of us.”

Ben rests his head on her chest, Rey wrapping her arms around his shoulders, before continuing to speak. “You know … I really like you being soft and tender, but … to be honest … I think … I would like to try your dark side too, someday. Our dark side. Just … being passionate. Deeply passionate. We can have it all.”

He listens to her heartbeat, closes his eyes. “Rey”, his voice is hoarse with emotions, “we will. We can make love, we can bang, whatever you want. We can be light, we can be dark, we can be gray. Soft and feral, tender and wild. I …”

Her embrace tightens around his body. “It doesn't sound … weird to you? Me liking all of you, even your dark side?”

“Rey, this is the most beautiful thing you could have told me. You loving my darkness. Wanting all of me. Not only wanting me if I am pure light. You recognizing me with all my shades of light and darkness. And still loving me. Wanting me.”

“You are loving my darkness too”, she replies with a soft tone in her voice, “never judging me, just understanding and helping me to deal with it. I will not deny my darkness,”

“Just as I will not deny my light”, he completes her sentence, before lifting his head, looking up to her. “Rey, you can have any desires you want. Nobody has the right to judge you, or deny your desires. Because they are yours, and yours alone. You want something? Demand for it. Get yourself whatever makes you happy. Don't step back just because someone might think you are no pure innocent desert flower if having your own desires. Desires about me.”

“I think we should really get married as soon as possible. Making a point about belonging together so even the dumbest one will understand.”

His lips start wandering on her breast again. _Maybe. But I am a romantic, Rey. I don't want to get married just to shut up some moof-milkers. I want to get married because we love each other and want to be together and happy and so on. I want this to be the right way. With you in a beautiful dress, on a wonderful green planet._

_We could sneak away and get married secretly, just the two of us._

_Like my grandparents did._

_Anakin and Padme?_

_Yes. Let's sneak to Naboo and get married._

_So we are engaged, now?_

_Was there ever a time we have been_ not _engaged?_

_I mean willingly. Not only Force-engaged._

Ben softly bites her, causing Rey to dig her nails deeper into his skin. _Now, lets celebrate our engagement properly._

_As you wish, cyar'ika._

His lips are on her nipple, softly sucking on it, while his tongue is caressing its tip, always checking back through their bond if she is enjoying it properly. And she is.

Rey arches her back and lets out a deep growl, letting go of his shoulders and gripping his hair instead. The sensation of being touched by him is so overwhelming, she can't understand why it feels so different than when she was touching herself when cleaning her body. It was a necessity, never a pleasure. But being touched by Ben is like the whole galaxy is lit in billions of stars, embracing her with their warmth and making her feel … complete. Like … finally have found a home.

He humms happily, enjoying to feel her so delighted and joyful. Continues to suck on her nipple, before letting it go with a soft _plop_ and kissing his way to her other breast. He can feel her body tense with every kiss he drops on her skin, the heat inside her core boiling brighter and brighter with every second they spend together, their skin touching, their minds entangled. Her body is pressed against his, he can't feel where his ends and hers begins anymore. They are one huge ball of joy and desire, one in the Force, one in their souls.

Rey wraps one leg around his, pulling him closer. Just to let go of him again as he moves his body to work his way down.

He tries to make a map of her body in his mind, marking all the regions in which she feels the most pleasure, in which she is ticklish. His lips kiss their way around her belly button, before dipping his tongue inside. He can't help smiling at her reaction, feeling the muscles of her belly flex.

And then he is there, pausing a moment to take a look at her. Her soft curls are hiding her precious parts, but he is going to explore them anew, properly. He settles his body between her legs, lifting them on his shoulders. There it is again, her scent, which makes him dizzy all again. His lips, now already common with her folds, kiss them with the tenderness of someone who has been craving his whole life for closeness and finally has found it, and so much more. He is caressing her with the same awe he has been regarding her ever since: like she is the most precious being in the whole galaxy, his everything. His mind blurrs and his thoughts become quiet, calming the storm and letting his emotions flow freely around hers. _Soft. Delicious. Silky. Wet. Intoxicating. Warm. Tender. Strong. Delicate._

_His._

_Everything._

He is lost in the sensation of her taste, the heat radiating from her skin, her scent, Force, her intoxicating scent, he could spend hours just enjoying her scent. His tongue is covered with her wetness, he wants to drink her in, drown in her. Never getting enough of the little noises of excitement Rey is making whenever he hits a spot especially sensitive.

His tongue still on her bud he dips his digit inside of her, slowly, to give her time to acclimate to the sensation. As soon as he feels her muscles relax, he starts to move, deeper, exploring the inside of her walls again. He can feel muscles, flexing around his finger, and then, there is one spot, slightly different, more structured.

Rey gasps, clawing her fingers into the skin of his head.

Ben can't help but smile against her bud. Looks like he had found the X-mark on his map of her body. He presses his fingertip against said spot, rubbing it gently, but soon, following Reys reactions, he dares to press harder.

“More!” she demands, and Ben obeys instantly. He pulls out his finger, adding a second one, before pushing inside her again. Her muscles make space for him far more easily now, like she is getting used to him being inside her. She lets out a deep breath, focussing fully on the sensation of feeling his fingers inside of her. Being hit at this special spot which makes her see stars every time Ben touches it. And Force, Ben is a quick study and treats her spot so well. Just like he was born to do so. Just like they were meant to be this close, from the very beginning.

Ben feels her relaxing around his fingers more and more, despite the tension in her core growing, it is a wild sensation of opposite feelings which seem to match perfectly. Should he try another …

“Yes!” is all she can say, and it its enough.

His third finger fits inside of her with ease, and he barely can believe it how quick she was able to adjust to him. It is like there has been something shifting inside of her mind, the very moment she started concentrating on her breath, relaxing purposely.

Her body shivers, he can feel she is so very close to letting go again. His fingers and his tongue do their best to help her cross the line, but then he can feel her pulling at his hair.

“Ben”, she gasps, “please, join me. Together.”

He slows down a bit, lifts his head, seeing her smiling at him. Carefully his mind brushes through hers, afraid she still may be to hasty, not ready for this next step. But unlike last night, when he had found out she had been wanting this only with her mind and not her body too, there is only pure desire and deepest affection now.

“Ben”, she says again, “join me. Please.”

They both still at the sound of her words, as their memories kick in, reminding them of a time when Ben had said exactly the same words to her.

But now, they are on the same side, standing together, confident. Taking each others hands, never letting go again.

Ben gives her sweet spot a last kiss with his fingers before pulling out. He lifts his body, placing his elbows next to hers. Seeing her smile, beaming up to him makes his heart almost skip a beat. She hooks her legs around his hips, clinging to him like she is not going to let go of him anytime soon.

He reaches down, supporting her by lifting her pelvis with one hand, while cautiously placing his delightsaber at her entrance. When he pushes this time, she is welcoming him, still tight, but quickly relaxing around him, like she did with his fingers before. She breaks into a wide smile suddenly, pulling him closer, so he slips inside her with one smooth movement. “You should have seen your face, Ben, looking so very concentrated and earnest … like this is the most important mission of your life. It was just … adorable.”

He leans in to kiss her, not making any further movement, just enjoying this moment of being one with her for the first time. Rey traces his shoulder blades with her fingertips, clenching her muscles around him playfully.

“It is. You are. Making you happy … being happy in your arms … with you … this …this is all I've ever wanted.”

She kisses him with a sweetness that makes him almost forget he is inside of her. But only almost. Her next kiss is more passionate, hungry, demanding, and he slowly starts to move. It feels different to touch her this way, he is not sure if he will be able to find her spot, but when she tilts her hips a tiny bit, he can feel his tip hitting it perfectly. Rey lets go of his lips and throws back her head, baring her throat to him, making him kiss her there, burying his nose at the crook of her neck. Her scent is so much different now, deeper, full of passion and sweet like flowers. The longer they are joined, the more confident he becomes, and soon he is speeding up his movements, Rey mirroring his rhythm. Her arms are still wrapped around his back, he remembers he has still one hand below her bottom and pulls it up, trusting her to keep the angle, and she does. Now with his one hand free, he reaches up to hers, interlacing their fingers. She moans happily and presses her fingers against his, her small hand fitting so perfectly in his large one. Like pieces of a puzzle clicking in place.

He can feel her coming close again, speeding up once more, always careful to hit exactly her sweet spot. Never once missing it.

The moment she is hit by her orgasm, he holds himself back, just to enjoy feeling her coming undone around him.

 _Ben!Ben!Ben!Ben!_ is all she chants through their bond, letting out a feral cry. Digging her nails in his back, pulling him closer with her legs. Her walls are still clenching around him, and he carefully moves, not sure if she wants further stimulation.

But she does.

“Go on, join me!” she huffs, moving her head a bit so she can kiss his cheek.

He lets go of her neck, now watching her face while he is picking up his pace again, letting her ride on her wave even longer.

The moment her second orgasm crushes down on him, he is kicked over the edge too.

Both of them pulsating, like twin stars, circling each other.

Panting heavily.

Breaking into a happy laughter at the same time, smiling at each other like crazy, with tears in their eyes.

He lets his body crush down on hers, cradling her in his arms and rolling around with her, so she is now on top of him. She cuddles against his chest, rubbing her cheek against his skin, the grip of her walls becoming softer. They are still joined, although she can feel him already losing his hardness.

Ben's fingers are playing with her hair, his other arm wrapped around her back, pressing her flush against his body.

Their minds still entangled they push snippets of their memories through the bond, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

“We should do this as often as we can”, is the first thing Rey manages to say, dropping a kiss on his skin.

“Absolutely. My lovely wife.”

“My wonderful husband.”

They both sigh, still having a wide grin on their faces.

“Do you have any idea if we have missed breakfast?”

“I guess we have, but I don't mind. Consider it as some kind of training for our Force abilities, getting in sync.”

“Oh, yes, we should definitely train properly”, Rey grins, before sighing once more. “But we need to eat, too. Face Resistance stuff. We can't leave, they need us.”

Ben nods, kissing her hair then. “Let's get in the fresher, dress and see what this day may offer.”

“Breakfast, hopefully.”

Ben laughs, until she shuts his mouth with a kiss.


	9. Scents of the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a men's talk with Poe and finally talks to Chewie.  
> Rose follows her heart.  
> Some bad news for the resistance - the war isn't over at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I was working on my letter to LFL. It got about as long as this chapter.  
> I'll try to keep updating once a week in future.
> 
> My deepest love for all of you - you are awsome!

Rey takes a deep breath, inhaling the scents surrounding them. Water, leaves, stones, but also nuances of grease and machine oil. Despite not being visible, the presence of the Resistance on Takodana was undeniable. Nevertheless Rey is enjoying the scents, it is a wild mixture of life surrounding her, life and hope.

Ben, who is silently walking next to her, isn't less happy about their surroundings. After all the years he'd spent entrapped in First Order spacehips and bases, now being able to walk on soil, genuine soil, was a little miracle to him. How every single step of him left a small imprint on the grass, dew glittering in the morning sun on the leather of his boots. Birds and other winged creatures swirling around them, chirping, trilling, sounds of life he never was aware he has been missing so much.

“Look like we've got company”, says Rey, pointing at some people getting out of a small transporter, which had made planetfall a few minutes before. Her grip around his hand barely noticeable tightens.

“Rey”, he stops, steps in front of her and bends down to kiss her forehead, “don't worry. It will be fine.”

“Liar”, she murmurs, before wrapping her arms around him.

“No, Rey, to you – never.” He circles her with his arms, burying his nose in her hair. “It _will_ be fine. I didn't say it will be fine _immediately_. But some day, it will.” He sighs, before laying his hands on her shoulders and locking his eyes with hers. “I will have to convince them. But this takes it's time.”

“I'm not going to lose you, again. You belong to me now, and I won't allow anybody to harm you.”

She pushes against his chest, slightly annoyed. “Why are you smiling, Ben? This is a serious issue!”

His lips are on hers, soft at first, but soon more confident, demanding. _I like it, when your dark side is showing._

_It isn't._

_Being so protective, possessive? Oh, Rey, it is. As someone who has a life long experience with dealing with the dark side, I recognize it when I see it._

_I'm not possessive,_ she pushes through the bond, the next second she is biting his lower lip.

 _Sure, you aren't,_ he deadpans and rubs his nose against hers.

 _Kriff, maybe a little bit._ She releases him, rubbing her nose against his. “Do you really think this is part of my darkness? I always thought my harsh life made me fight back so easily. On Jakku, to hesitate meant to lose. Your food, your water, the stuff you just had scavenged. Either you learned this quickly, or you died.”

“Have you ever considered that it may have been the Force who has been helping you being a good scavenger? Always be able to hit your enemies, just the second before they were going to attack you?“ One last kiss, and they continue their walk.

“Yes, of course. Looking back, so many lucky incidents don't seem to be so much of luck anymore, more … Force touched. Damn, Jakku was a dead planet. When the Force is connecting all living things, Jakku was quite the last place in the galaxy where it could flow.”

“My father often said to me _that's not how the force works!_ ” He sighs, interlacing his fingers with hers. It still hurts to think about Han, but since Rey had stabbed him on the ruins of the second Death Star, since Han's memory had spoken to him, he has accepted that his father had forgiven him. Force, not forgiven, because in Han's sight there hadn't been anything to forgive. From all his family members Han had always been the one he had felt the closest connection. Han had wanted to help him, he was full of love and trust the moment he took his saber, he still was as the crimson blade pierced his chest. It was exactly this, feeling his fathers unconditional love, which had split his soul to the bone. At least it felt like it did. It was the feeling that his father _still_ loved him, which had deepened the split even deeper. Because … he couldn't believe it. Because Snoke had been telling him nobody loved him. It had to be a lie, yet it had felt so genuine. And Chewie … Force, Chewie could've easily shot him, there on the bridge, yet he decided to just injure him. Like Han he showed unconditional love, Ben was still his little one, the young boy he helped rise. Their love was so overwhelming, it had to be a lie, the cruelst of all. Seeding hope and ripping it into pieces the same moment it had dared to sprout.

Rey, following his memories, wraps an arm around his waist. “You thought their love was a lie, because you were so broken you couldn't believe it was genuine. Snoke was such an arse making you believe this.”

“Yes, he was. But maybe this was why I never felt rage at the stormtroopers, because they had been through something similar, despite far less cruel.”

“Finn, you spared his life on Jakku,” Rey nods.

“It wasn't only Finn, there were many of them. Breaking out of their conditioning. I've never been reporting them, because … you know, I kind of liked it that at least someone managed to break free.”

“Tell them. This is something you can bond over. Similar experiences”, suggests Rey.

They nearly had reached the ruins of Maz's castle, the newly arrived Resistance transporter. Ben still pretending to be calm.

“The more I think about it, the more I'm tempted to agree. My smart scavenger lady.”

Rey stops, feeling a familiar presence.

The next moment a small woman is waving at her and joyfully shouting her name. “Friend of yours?” Ben asks, feeling Rey's sudden excitement and joy.

“Rose. And yes, she is!” She gives him an encouraging smile before entangling from him and running towards her friend.

The two women fly into each others arms, nearly dancing around each other, overflowing with joy.

“I didn't know you were coming”, says Rey, still holding Rose in a tight embrace.

“Surprise”, whispers Rose, before glancing over her shoulder. “Is this the mysterious stranger you have been yearning for during the past year?”

Rey blushes and Rose starts to giggle. “Oh sweetie, of course I knew. You know, a woman can feel it when someone is in love.” She enthusiastically waves at Ben, who hadn't moved from the spot where Rey had left him. “He makes you happy, I like him.” Rose rises an eyebrow. “He's a shy guy, obviously.”

Rey lets go of her, taking her hand. “He has been through something, believe me. He just has started to relearn to trust people.” _And I'm forever grateful you like him, spot on_ , she adds in her thoughts.

They walk towards Ben, who has started to move too. Rey can feel his insecurity, she softly brushes with her thoughts against his. Wrapping her love around his soul like a warm blanket.

The barely noticeable smile on his lips and the slight nod make her smile too.

Rose slows down, taking in Ben's appearance. They both can feel the woman's mind working. She slowly turns her head to Rey, her eyes widen in astonishment. “How ...”

“Long and quite complicated story”, says Ben, stretching out his hand to her. “I'm Ben, now, again.”

Rose focusses her look on Rey, scanning her face anew. Her friend looks so happy, Rose decides, for the first time since she knows her there is a genuine smile on her lips, in her eyes. And this is the only thing that matters.

She turns back to Ben, takes his hand, shaking it slowly, stepping closer to him. “Gods, I swear, if you ever hurt her, I'm going to stun you.”

Ben breaks into a relieved smile. “Nice to meet you too, Rose. And, considering your intentions to stun me – get in line. Poe is already signed up for ripping off my choobies if I ever hurt her.”

Rose's jaw drops, then she breaks into a wide grin. “Hey, I had already bitten Hux, don't you dare to think I'm kidding.”

“You … did … _what_??” Ben's jaw drops.

She sighs, turning his hand, so it is above hers. “On the _Supremacy_ , before the shit went down on Crait. We got caught, he wanted to execute us, I bit him as he touched my necklace, my hair.” Her free hand wanders towards her necklace, touching the pendant. “My sister … it means a lot to me.”

Ben sighs. “Rose, I am so sorry. I know, this won't change anything but be sure I deeply regret a lot of the decisions I have made.”

She slightly presses his hand, before letting go of it. “Poe and Finn told me Kylo Ren died, hating _you_ wouldn't bring my sister back to live, nor any other one. But kriff, the guys could've warned me.”

“Surprise”, Rey says with a deadpan voice.

Rose sniffs silently, before nodding. “Rey is happy to have you at her side, this is all I need to know for now, Ben. But you'll have to tell me the whole story, some day. I mean … how? Why?”

“The Force”, says Rey, stepping at Ben's side, taking his hand, beaming up to him. “We were meant to be together from the very beginning, to be each others balance. Both of us are dark and light, Ben is just more dark and less light than I am. It took us a while to find out. We still are learning. But for now, we are both alive, reborn.”

Rose sighs, before taking another step towards Ben and hugging him.

He is too surprised to move, it takes Rey softly pressing his fingers, before he wraps an arm around Rose's shoulders. “Thank you, Rose. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

She pats his back, before breaking their embrace. “You looked so sad, like you needed a hug, most desperately.” Her eyes widen with surprise. “Wait, are you ...”

Ben wipes away the tear with his fingers. “Please don't tell anyone. I'm simply not used to … people being nice to me.”

Rose and Rey walk towards the ruins, Ben trailing behind them. He is quiet most of the time, only answering when Rose is adressing a question directly at him. It is exactly as he had said: he is not used to people being nice to him. Like a dog, who has been beaten his whole life, a chain around his neck, bloody scars from the countless times he has been trying to break free. Feeling someone being nice to him, _touching_ him, is still such an overwhelming experience. He is used to being touched by Rey, but Rey is his other, his soulmate. He trusts her. She knows him, he knows her. But Rose? Rose has only known him as Kylo Ren, despite they had never met in person. Being one of the leading ladies of the Resistance she sure had gotten a lot of footage of him, this may be why she knew his face.

He had cautiously taken a look into her mind, very careful not to let her feel anything. Just to know how she was feeling about him, not digging deeper. And Ben now knows why Rey loves this woman – she has a soft and caring heart, but would always fight for those she loves. Just like Rey.

When they enter the makeshift base in the caverns, Poe rises his head from his holopad and waves them over to join him at his working station.

“Guys, glad to have you here. We just got new intel from our allies. Most of the First Order ships are down, but there is something which doesn't makes sense. Ben, could you please look at the data? Maybe you can tell us what's wrong with it.”

Ben nods, stretches out his hand and starts screening the data on the holopad.

Poe winks at Rey. “You were to late for breakfast, but we saved you some of the stuff you like, meat filled buns. Right over there!” he points at a table close to one of the caverns walls, where two fabric covered plates are waiting for them.

“Thanks, Poe!” She smiles at him happily before sneaking off to get Ben's and her breakfast. They haven't been eating something since yesterday evening, so they both are quite hungry right now. Her scavenger self hadn't allowed Ben to touch their food in the cabin, because … never eat all of your food, you don't know when you may get some the next time.

When she returns to Ben, she can see how deeply he is worried about what he has found out. He has closed the bond just so much he can fully concentrate on the task before him, but not shutting her completely out. Poe sits on the edge of the table, his arms crossed over his chest. He is not looking happy either.

“There are to less”, Ben finally says, looking up from the holopad. “In your data there are listed all the shootings, with their ID profiles and registration numbers. Latter follow a pattern, so you can tell how much ships of a specific type were built. Regarding this data I would say about a third of the fleet is still around.” He sighs. “Force, I wish I could get direct access to their data bases. You don't have some crashed shuttles or TIEs here, which I could scavenge for the hardware I need?”

“On Endor”, Finn tosses in, “Yannah and her squad have a whole graveyard of abandoned ships there. Lots of stuff, spare parts. It's not as far from here as Jakku, you could get there and collect what you need quickly.”

Poe nods, leaps from the desk and pats on Ben's shoulder. “Go, get what you need. We may be moving our base tomorrow, we'll send you the new coordinates as soon as we are on the move.”

Rey rises an eyebrow, just giving Ben a slight nod, before turning their plates upside down so the meat filled buns drop into the fabric, then knots together the tails to build two neat bundles. Never waste food, never waste fabric. Except for the clothes one has been dying in. “Get our stuff from the cabin, I'll power up the Falcon and run the pre flight checkups.” She is already gone when Poe catches up to Ben.

“Hey, just one thing.”

“Hm?”

“Don't … pull a _Solo_.”

“Pardon?”

“Don't do something stupid.”

Ben rises an eyebrow. “Something stupid like … what?”

“Like getting some data and deciding to go pull a lone wolf maneuver instead of coming back to us. We are a team now, hear me? No hot-headed decisions.”

“Like … heading for a _Dreadnought_?”

Poe's eyes darken. “Don't.”

Ben sighs. “I get you, Poe. But what if a situation occurs in which it is up to me – considering my past and my special knowledge about our _friends_ – to get in action? You may not be able do decide the same way like I do, because you don't know the backgrounds.”

“Then tell me, for kriffs sake. I try my best to be a good leader, but I can't be one if people don't trust me and hold back intelligence.”

“From former leader to leader – keep trying. Earn their trust. Rey made a point about this, I may have a chance to convince them to a truce. Same with Finn – he should try talk to the stormtroopers. There are more like him and Jannah's squad, far more than the First Order's high command is aware of. I felt their doubts about the FO's agenda, but I never cared. Until Rey said this may help us to end this war with minor bloodshed. Shooting the ships down would mean killing thousands of people like Finn and Jannah, who have overcome their conditioning.”

“Are you … are you telling me that we have a chance to get a widespread stormtrooper mutiny?”

“Maybe. It is … just a possibility.”

Poe lets out an annoyed huff. “Ben, and you are telling me that _now_? Why not yesterday?”

“Because I didn't think about it until Rey and I were talking about it on our way to you. Don't make such a face, flyboy, I'm not used to trusting people, working in a team.”

“I have to earn your trust, it seems”, murmurs Poe, letting out a deep sigh. “You are right. I shouldn't have been angry with you, but … I'm not used to trusting _you._ ”

“You are still angry.”

“About having you digging in my mind? Guess.”

“I'm sorry about that, Poe. I was so used to have someone digging in _my_ mind that didn't understand how cruel this must have been for someone who's mind has been free. And I was angry about mom.”

“Leia?”

“You were the son I couldn't be. Brave, handsome, a hell of a pilot.”

“You … were jealous? About _me_??”

Ben nods. “Of course. You got my mom's affection, her cause, her friends, I … got nothing but ... pain.”

Poe needs a moment to let this sink in. “I see. But wait … did you just … call me _a hell of a pilot_?”

“Nah, don't get smug. You may be a good pilot, that for sure, but I'm still the better one.”

“Is this a challenge, Ben? Just the two of us? Pilot's duel?”

Ben's mouth twitches, he tries so hard to not break into a grin. The moment he told Poe about … well, why he had disliked him in the past, Poe has actually _understood._ Not just accepted, truly understood why Ben had made the decisions he had made. The air between them is cleared now, one heavy thunderstorm was enough to wash the dirt out of the sky. Good conditions for a safe flight.

Poe tries to give him an extra smug look. “Afraid, Ben?” He stretches out a hand to him.

“Only in your dreams, Poe.”

“The loser has to cook a meal for the whole base. Deal?”

“I was basically raised by a kitchen droid. I don't fear to fail. So, yes – deal.” He grabs his hand, and this time Poe's smile is the smile of someone who _understands_.

Back in their cabin, Ben lets his eyes wander around. This has been their home for one night, their safe place. He shuts this thought down and starts to collect their belongings, packing their backpacks. Their old clothes are still laying on the floor, he just wishes they had gotten rid of them the night before, burned them. Too much memories. _Rey, our old clothes, our old boots. Shall I pack them too?_

_Yes. We'll burn them on Endor. A funeral for our past lifes._

_Were you reading my mind?_

_No, just knowing how yours is working. And we have some great memories regarding fire._

_Like burning my custom made TIE Whisper?_ he is teasing her, knowing pretty well she was referring to their hand touching and the throne room fight. The first moments they really had connected. Physically. Ben makes a mental note that there have to be far more moments of physical connection in the future, with fire, of course.

Their bond is still silent, then Rey finally replies. _It was a two-seater. Was it your plan to pick me up?_

 _Maybe_ , he smiles through their bond. _Because I knew we had to join forces. And my techs were always eager to try new stuff, they loved my personal ships. And my detailed flight reports._

Rey humms happily through their bond. _Ben Solo, seems like you got more people liking you than you knew._

_I wouldn't call it liking. More … mutual admiration for technical skills. I always liked to talk to them, they were far less annoying than Hux and the other high command guys. And they weren't scared from me, which was refreshing too._

_So, basically you can bond with the stormtroopers over similar childhood traumata, with the techs over being obsessed with details. If there are still First Order ships out there, we need a strategy to turn their staff. I don't want any more people to die, maybe we can convince them to a truce._

_Or Finn leading a mutiny_ , Ben adds.

_Something like that, yes. You have been working with them for such a long time, how was the mood among the lower ranks?_

_Maybe exactly what we need right now. We talk about it with Finn and Jannah as soon as we are back from Endor. Poe knows already, we had a short men's talk after you had left._

_And you still are both in one piece?_

_We are. We are going to do a pilot's duel, to see who is the better pilot._

_You._

He can feel her shake her head through their bond. _Why does it always have to be about competition when it comes to men._

_I wouldn't call it a competition. More some kind of … having fun while doing a thing we both love._

_I'm going to take care you take a ship less fast than his, so the odds are even._

_Fair._

Ben continues to pack their belongings, looking under the table, the bed, inside of the fresher to be sure they haven't forgotten anything. They both don't own that much material stuff at this moment, so it took him just a few minutes to get ready to go. Taking one last look at their room, he quickly decides there is one more thing he is going to take with them: their blankets, pillows and bedsheet. These are theirs now, wearing their scents. Ben smiles slightly, rolls them into a tight bundle. Now he is ready to go, packed with their backpacks, one bundle containing their old clothes and one containing their bedding.

When he returns to the Falcon, Chewie is walking down the ramp. Ben drops the bundles, slowly walking towards his childhood friend.

Being used to nearly everyone being smaller than him it is always a strange feeling to actually look up to someone. But this is Chewie, he has always been looking up to him.

“I … don't know what to say”, he can't look at Chewie's face any longer, drops his head. “There wasn't a single day I have not been regretting what I had done. To say I'm sorry isn't enough to express my feelings. I …” He flinches when he feels Chewie's arms wrapping around his shoulders.

_You were desperate, full of hurt and pain. Bad decisions made because being blinded by such feelings. Never hated you, never. Just pain too._

Ben burries his face in Chewie's fur, the familiar scent setting free so many of his childhood memories. Chewie throwing him up in the air, him riding on Chewie's shoulders, the two of them seated in the Falcon's cockpit, Chewie explaining all the switches to him. Han and them taking their first flight together. His excitement when seeing the stars vanish into white stripes the moment they hit hyperspace.

But also – the memory of Chewie screaming at the sight of Han being stabbed by his own son.

He doesn't realize he was crying until Chewie pats softly on his back. _Don't need to wash my fur, little one._

Ben lifts his head, taking in Chewie's expressions. They are soft, full of affection and, of course – sadness.

_You were blinded, desperate. Thought you were all alone, no one loved you. It wasn't you. Not the boy I loved. This why I helped Rey to get to your ship. Felt you still down there, hidden under pain and mask. Hoped she could bring you back. Because you loved her._

“How did you know?”

 _You were carrying her. Not allowing anyone to touch her, when you caught her, here on Takodana. You were carrying her like she was precious to you. Han felt same, not scared about you might hurt her, because he knew you wouldn't. Still believed in you, being good, deep inside._ Chewie points with his hand at Ben's chest. _Still Ben underneath Kylo Ren, we saw it, because we loved you._

Ben sobs, slightly nodding, before slowly closing his arms around his friends wide torso. “Thank you, Chewie. Thank you for never giving up on me.”

_Never. Same like Han, same like Leia. Always sad and wanted you back. Now happy because you are._

Ben nods against Chewie's fur, before breaking their embrace. “I am. Because I am free for the first time in my life. No voice in my head telling me I'm not worthy to be loved, not worthy because of my emotions. Only being worthy because of my grandfather's bloodline, his power. I never thought about how it may have felt for people when I invaded their minds, because for me it was so common to not being alone in my head. But now, now that I know the silence, now I know how miserable they must have felt because of me breaking into their head.”

_Tell Poe, needs to understand._

“I already have. He does.” Ben nods towards the Falcon. “We have to go to Endor, collect some hardware from the abandoned First Order ships.”

_Rey told me, greet our friends, the Ewoks._

“You are not coming with us?”

Chewie lets out a growling chuckle. _No, stay with Poe and Finn and Rose. Meet you later. You need to spend time with Rey, talk. Build relationship. Tighten bond. Don't want to see another couple to separate because of too less talking, too less listening. Be happy, love, this what Han and Leia always wanted. You being happy._

Steps coming down the ramp, Rey joining them, hugging them both. They stay in this tight embrace for several heartbeats, and Ben nearly starts to cry again.

Because …

… because this feels like family.


	10. Glowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey are visiting Endor to get some spare parts for their communication system.  
> But then something expected happens.  
> And something unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning:  
> Dyad sex! :-)
> 
> My dearest readers, I'm so grateful for all of you who are still following this fic, enduring my inability to use the tenses correctly and my lack of words. I really wish my English was better, so I could mold into words every thought I have.
> 
> \---  
> writing soundtrack for Chapter 10:  
> Enigma: “Cross of changes”  
> Delerium, the following albums: “Karma”, “Chimera”  
> \---

Watching Chewie walk away, they stay a few moments at the ramp, arms wrapped around each others waists.

It is Rey who breaks the silence first. “I've never seen you so relieved, relaxed.”

Ben leans in to kiss her temple, before nodding curtly, his lips brushing softly over her skin. “Because I am. Force, I've been so afraid of facing Chewie, afraid he would hate me for what I have done.” He sighs deeply. “Why are all of you so kind and forgiving? I was expecting to get sidelined and mocked, but none of that happened. All of you are … so … open to me. And Rose … Rey, I think I love her. She is such a precious soul, I'm forever glad you had a friend like her during the past year, the thought of you being stuck with this two wannabe-alphas really made me uncomfortable.”

Rey elbows him slightly. “Careful, you are talking about my friends.”

Ben laughs, kissing her temple again. “Ain't I'm telling the truth?”

“Sure, you are. You are the only true alpha I know. Poe is going to bite himself in his ass as soon as he recognizes. He _tries_ to be a good leader, but you actually _are_.”

Ben rises an eyebrow. “I'm not so sure about that. I've never tried to be a good leader, you know? I was just reacting, but never acting. My decisions always have been following the developments, not the other way around. I didn't lead, just follow. There have always been masters. Now there is only you, your opinion is the only one I care about.”

She gives him an questioning look, her nose slightly wrinkled. “I don't think so, Ben. I love you with all my heart and my soul, but I know this won't be enough for you to feel at peace completely.”

“It already is.”

Rey taps with her fingers against the skin of his arm. “You want people to like you. To like Ben Solo. For the person who he truly is. And there is nothing wrong about it, because you are adorable. To know you means to love you. They will figure out, and love will follow. They just need to truly see you. Rose already loves you.”

“Rose loves everyone, I assume.”

Her fingernails dig into his skin. “Possibly. But, for example, I don't think she likes Hux. Who is he anyway? Besides of being the one ordering the destruction of Hosnian system? Is he a treat?”

He snorts. “Possibly. He is that kind of person who thinks he knows everything and therefore his point of view is the only one that counts.”

“But different people, different points of views. There isn't the one and only truth, because it always depends on the the person who is telling the story.”

“Exactly. Admitting you made wrong decisions isn't a weakness, just explain to the people why you thought they were the right ones.”

Ben scoops her up on his arms and carries her up the ramp, Rey wrapping her arms around his neck.

“You really like carrying me like that, aren't you?”

“Indeed. Securing my bounty.”

She pinches him, causing him to press her flusher against his body. “Not so fast, Ben. What makes you think _you_ are the hunter in our relationship?”

“Dark side?” He lets her down and closes the Falcon's ramp. “But yes, Cyar'ika, you are right. We are both hunter and bounty. Which is, as I may say, new, but exciting.”

“Hmm, true. Maybe because we were both forced to be both of it in our pasts. Strong to survive, but desperate because assuming there was no way out.”

They both walk towards the cockpit, Ben instantly heading for the copilot's seat, but Rey is pushing him into the pilot's seat. “We can switch, but for now, it is your turn.”

When they take off, Rey lets her eyes wander over the woods of Takodana. “So many memories. My most favourite one: being around you. In any way possible.”

Ben blushes, and Rey grins, reaching with her hand for his cheek. “I love you, Ben. More than you may know.”

The reddish color on his cheeks even deepens. His hands are busy with the controls of the Falcon, so he can't touch her back, but he slightly leans into her touch. “I know. And same. My love for you is deeper than everything I've ever felt before. I wouldn't even mind losing my force abilities as long as you were still by my side.”

Rey brushes her thumb over his lips. “Don't speak it into existence. You know, same. As long as you are with me I don't mind losing my powers, because my greatest strength is my love for you.”

Ben kisses her thumb. “I'm not sure if we are doing it right.”

“What?”

“Talking.”

“Why not?”

“Doesn't it sound like some … holo novel?”

Rey shifts her hand so it is rested on his neck. “I haven't read that much of them. Yes. And no. Because love is what it is, isn't it? I just think we do it the other way round than people usually do: they talk about it first before showing. We did things first before talking about it.”

“This is what I mean. We … are not used to talk about it.”

“How could we? We both haven't had any opportunity to practice before meeting each other. We are still two kids exploring their newly found toys.”

“Oh, I like that. Exploring together. May you hit the hyperdrive, my love?”

They had slipped out of Takodana's atmosphere, now being surrounded by billions of stars.

Rey hits the hyperdrive, and they both stare at the changed sight. White lines, rushing lights of dying stars and newborn worlds. So much empty space around them, but what truly counts are the small traces of light. One spark is enough to fight the darkness.

“How long will it take until we reach Endor?” asks Rey, without moving.

“Not long enough to explore properly”, smirks Ben.

Rey's head snaps to him, he laughs at the sight of her rolling her eyes.

“We could cuddle.”

She is on his lap the next second, they both wiggle their bodies until they find a comfy position, arms wrapped around each other, cheeks pressed together.

They don't talk anymore, just enjoy being close. Minds entangled, souls entwined.

It doesn't take long and they both have fallen asleep.

It is the Falcon that wakes them up, a steady beeping letting them know they are close to leaving hyperspace. They share a quick kiss before parting, concentrating now on handling the Falcon. Their hands flying over the controls and switches in sync, like they are one body moved by one spirit. And maybe they really are – dyads in the force. They still don't know what exactly this means, being one soul, split into two bodies – because they can't compare. The only thing they know, is: they enjoy being together. They feel complete, calm, serene, excited. They can't tell if this is usual for lovers, or if this is their special dyad-thing, but they don't care.

Ben's and Rey's minds are in sync now, it simply happened, they didn't reach for it. They woke up and – they felt more balanced than before their nap.

“We are getting better”, Rey hums, just to become sad the next moment. “We've lost so much time. We could have had this a year ago.”

“And Palpatine would have recognized our feelings for each other as our greatest weakness. Would have used it to destroy us both.”

Rey snorts. “If he really was linked to your mind, he could have known all along. But he had told you to kill me, and me to kill him. It doesn't make any sense.”

“No, it doesn't, and yes, he could've. But he always had thought I was only attracted to you powers, and to your body. He had tried to tease me, offering you as my bride. I … was tempted, but it was gross at the same time. Because it would have been exactly that: just bodies and powers. He has never been understanding that it was love I've been craving the most. And so did I – until I met you.”

“You are wiser than I was”, a soft voice comes from the backseats.

Ben stills, but relaxing as soon as he feels Rey's knee pressed against his leg. “Grandfather. I thought you were gone.”

Anakin smiles softly. “Yeah, me too. But it seems the Force was pleased with me finally saving someone I love.”

Rey nods at Ben, then taking over the control. “You two, talk, I'll land the Falcon.”

Ben sighs, before focusing his attention on the Force ghost. “Why are you here?”

“Because I want to tell you that you are doing fine and I'm so proud of you. And that I'll kick your ass if you name your son after me.”

“No babies right now”, Rey firmly says, of course she is listening.

“I know”, Anakin answers with the softest voice, “but if you are building a family some day, please give the kids new names, free of the burdens of our families past. As much as I'd like to see a little Anakin and a little Padme running around and playing in the grass, there are better ways to honour our heritage. Love each other. Trust each other. This is our true heritage, not our names. Rey, your parents ...”

“I don't want to know.”

“Ask me, if you do want, some day. But just one thing: Ben is right, Palpatine was a kriffing liar. He tried to break you, like he did with me. Your parents loved you, somehow … but they weren't ...”

“Stop. I don't want to know. Now.”

“Listen to my lady, or I'll stick your saber somewhere it hurts. Even a Force ghost.” Ben says, his voice as calm as possible.

“Ah, and something more: tell your ghost friends I don't want them to pop up as they please – they only are allowed to appear when one of us is calling them, understand? You left us alone all the years, and now that we are together and have figured out how most of the things work, no, no advice needed now.” Rey is as much annoyed by Anakin's presence as is Ben. They both had asked for guidance, answers, and nobody came. The Force ghosts nearly had left them to die.

Anakin stays quiet for a moment, before letting out a sigh. “Fine, I'll tell them. No random visits.”

“Very nice of you. Especially Luke has a talent to pop up in the most unmatching moments. He interrupted us touching hands. He interrupted Ben and me _talking_ for the first time. He is not considered friend.”

A knowing smile on Anakins face. “Ah, my son, he shouldn't have lived in celibate. He has closed off the force running away from his mistakes. But you may forgive him some day, like all of us he had made bad decisions thinking they were the right ones.” He stretches out his hands, resting them over their shoulders, but not actually touching them. “As I said, I'm proud of you, both of you. Follow your path, you'll figure it out. And if you need help, you know you can call us. Anytime.”

And he is gone.

They look at each other, both letting out an annoyed huff. “I don't want them to watch us … you know ...” grimaces Rey.

“Me neither”, Ben says, “maybe we find out how to block them in the Jedi texts.

A slight rumble in the engines, and the Falcon drops out of the hyperspace. Endor is there, a familiar sight to both of them.

Their hands meet in the middle, as they had been reaching out for each other at the same time.

Ben lets his fingers brush through the grass. He isn't completely comfortable with being back on Endor. Too many memories.

They both avoid watching at the ruins of the Death Star, while wandering through the gutted First Order ships and collecting the hardware they are looking for. Rey is leading, her fingers entwined in his, not feeling comfortable either. “We have to talk about it, all of it.”

He climbs into the cockpit of an intact looking TIE fighter and starts to pull out some parts of the communication system. “We will. I mean … we know how we are feeling, we can feel our thoughts ...”

“But we want to _talk_ about it”, Rey gives him a shy smile, “like two people do who love each other. Wait a second”, she opens her bag and hands it over to him, so he can drop in the panels and other parts, “we should get some more, backup, you know.”

Ben jumps out of the TIE and kisses her forehead. “I'll follow your lead, scavenger.”

The sun is already setting down when they return to the Falcon with the last parts. It had taken them much longer than expected to find all the stuff necessary, because being exposed to the salty air had damaged most of the hardware. Rey was still wondering how Ben had been able to find a TIE which was in flight condition. Not to talk about Luke lifting his old X-Wing from beneath the sea, fixing the missing part which he had used for the door on his hut on Ahch-To. It still felt like cheating reality. Because sea water was death for metal parts, wires and circuits.

“I'm so glad you came, I've never felt happier than when this specific force bond happened”, she tells Ben, who is securing their bounty within a cargo unit. Ben closes the box, nodding. “I consider this specific bond as our first one as couple. We both were fighting for a better future, our future. Now – let's pick up some food, our old clothes. And we still need some firewood. We have a lot of bad memories to burn.”

Half an hour later they had managed to build a proper campfire, next to the cliff. They stare at the ruins of the Death Star now, listening to the sound of waves crushing against it. The wind is chilling, but they have enough blankets and firewood to keep them warm during the night.

The night falls and the ruins vanish into the dark. Only the sound of the waves scraping along metal reminds them of the instance they are still out there in the night.

Rey and Ben open the bundle of clothes together, carefully taking out every single part. Trousers, shirts, boots, wraps. Rey's fingers rest on the fabric. It is so soft and airy, she actually likes it … just the color … she had never found the time to dye it. “I wanted the white, back then, to be a counterpart to my inner darkness which was rising. But I never liked it. In the desert it was necessary to look like sand, camouflage. But to me personally white has always been a dead color.”

“You looked like some virgin priestess, everything tight and neat and pure. The white was visualisation of you denying your desires. And your fear the others may recognize your darkness.”

She nods. “I really, really hate white. But yes, I've been trying to prove myself I didn't want you. Was hiding my scar.”

Ben leans in to kiss said scar on her arm. “If you like the fabric, but not the color – maybe keep it and dye it? As sign of finally acknowledging your desires?”

Rey rises an eyebrow. “You know I can sense your thoughts?”

“Hmhm”, hums Ben, “as I can see yours. We both had the same thoughts considering your wrap fabric.”

Her fingers brush the fabric once more. “So, keep, then. Turning into something honest, joyful.” She takes the white bundle and puts it aside, far away from the campfire, so it won't be touched by wind and sparks.

Ben takes his undershirt, the one with the two holes from the saber. Rey closes her hands around his. “I'm so sorry for having done that. It was an asshole move. I … wasn't myself. Angry.”

“Dark side. Never mind, Cyar'ika. I never was angry about you beating me.”

“It wasn't beating, the fight was already over. You were distracted. And I stabbed you. I really wasn't nice to you.”

He lifts their hands, kisses her fingers. “I wasn't nice either. Past. Gone. Burn.”

They throw his shirt into the flames, watch it glow and vanish. They both know leaving the past behind isn't that easy as burning things, but they will succeed. Step by step.

Next piece.

Rey's shirt. “Damn white. I want you, Ben. Always wanted you, just you. Didn't dare to be honest to myself. It was me who was the liar, never you.” They throw it into the flames.

Ben's trousers. Rey can feel lots of emotions stuck in the leather. Countless fights, countless scars, countless victims, zero winners.

The leather smells terribly as soon as the flames get in touch. But not as terribly as burned skin, Ben's skin, when the blade of his saber had stuck inside of his guts.

Rey's pants. “You know, these knee pads ...” Ben says, deadpan.

Rey sees the flash of a fantasy in his mind, one of Kylo's fantasies. And Ben's too.

“It was for scavenging, you … you … “ She leans in to bite into his arm, not very hard, but hard enough to leave a mark. “But fair point. This really may be more comfy with knee pads.”

“Try someday?” he asks softly.

“For sure!” she grins against the skin of his shoulder, kissing the very same spot where her bite mark is. Ben hadn't flinched at feeling her teeth, but now he is shuddering with pleasure.

The flames seal their promise as they devour her pants.

Their boots. They take one in each hand, throw them together. “Our own paths now. Not following tracks, but making some. Stumble, fall, rise.”

The smell is different than it was when Ben's trousers got burned. The worst smell is the one of the rubber soles melting, dropping into the flames, hissing and vanishing.

They both sit and stare at the flames, arms wrapped around each other. It isn't as relieving as they had hoped it would be, but it is a step in the right direction.

“Have I been naive to think the pain would magically disappear just because burning our old stuff?” Rey asks, snuggling closer into his embrace.

“Not naive, just – hopeful. You know, I told you to let the past die – I was wrong. You can't get rid of it, just make your peace with it. Your past is part of your future, but you have to decide if you learn from it or repeat the mistakes.”

“You sound quite wise”, she answers, half teasing, half being earnest. “But I don't think you can always willingly decide. There is a difference between _knowing_ something and _understanding_ something.”

“Indeed. An important difference we often forget.”

Rey pulls him closer. “Ben, what I wanted to ask you since Exegol … what happened to your saber?”

Ben stills, but lets out a soft huff then. “I threw it into the ocean. It was a symbol for my broken soul. My past.”

She moves just so far until she can look into his eyes. “Ben, maybe it is the scavenger talking now. But – you don't throw away things just because they are broken. You try to fix them.”

It takes him some moments until he is able to answer her question. “You are right, somehow. But – let me tell you about my saber. It was my saber all along, it was the one I used during my time at Luke's new Jedi academy. It was the one I had used to defend myself when I had sensed Luke was trying to murder the darkness he has been feeling inside of me.” He lets out his breath. “It was the one always being with me. The kyber reflects your soul. You are bond. When I surrendered to the dark side, I took my kyber and bled it. I took it in my hands and pushed in every painful experience, every feeling of not being worthy anyones love, the feeling of being utterly alone. The kyber screamed into my mind, I still can remember the sound of it's voice breaking, the same moment the crystal had cracked. The pain was to much for it to take. As it was for me. I took my broken kyber, modified my saber – and got the one you know. The one that followed your call in the throne room.”

“Your kyber liked me.”

“You can't lie to kyber crystals. They are connected to your soul. It knew I loved you, and all I wanted was to protect you. So – it followed your call willingly. And I was so in awe. Seeing you, calling my saber, holding it. It felt organic.”

Rey's lips twitch slightly.

“I like your passionate mind, my lady”, Ben leans in to kiss her softly. “You can take my saber as often as you like.”

She bites his lip, resting her forehead against his. “Go on. Tell me. I'm with you.”

“Well. My saber.” He sighs. “It was a symbol for my soul. Everyone had given up on me. I was just the cracked soul, not worthy of being whole and loved. My saber was right to follow you call. Both sabers were right. They listened to your heart, and following your call they proved you being worthy.”

“During the past year I was struggling, I couldn't use the Force sometimes. I felt unworthy … because of feeling darkness rising. The more unworthy I felt, the more it rose. It was a circle of madness.”

“You have always been worthy. But I can relate to this feeling of not being worthy, I felt the very same. Not being worthy and not coming up to everyones expectations. This is how the dark side sneaks in – when you lose the trust in yourself. I mean – the evil part of it. There is nothing wrong with being passionate.” Ben rubs his nose against hers. “We have so much in common, Cyar'ika. I felt your struggle, but instead of helping you deal with it I used it to provoke you. Because … I thought we both were lost in the darkness. We could have ruled the galaxy together, as emperor and empress. We would have been happy. Powerful. Loved. Feared.”

“Ben, there was far more than one moment I had wished I had taken your hand. It would have made it so much easier.”

“Maybe. We would have had some month of joy, but no future with Palpatine lurking around. No, Rey, you were absolutely right to reject my hand. We both weren't ready to take each others hand at that time. And Force, I'd never wanted you to give up on yourself. I loved you just the way you are. I do. And I always will.”

They stay quiet for a while, listening to the crackling sound of burning wood and crushing waves.

“All we had to do was talk”, Rey murmurs.

“And to listen”, adds Ben.

“Your saber”, she says, causing Ben to flinch slightly again. “You threw it away, instead of trying to heal it. I know, I know … it was too much pain to deal with it. Remember, I was stealing your ship and running away. I'm as good at running away from truth and pain as you are. But … I've read something about the possibility to heal kyber crystals in one of the Jedi texts. You could have fixed it. You know … if you have shards, make something new, like mosaic. I always liked repairing things, it was satisfying, because my life felt cracked and irreparable. Stuck on that damn sand planet. Stuck in denial. Stuck in avoiding to move on, grow. Repairing things, this was always like creating some little happy endings. I may not have an happy ending in my life, but the things I had scavenged deserved to get one. They got repaired, got a new life. There was hope for them, so it was for me. I tried to repair things because I was so desperate to repair my own cracked life. Which I couldn't, back then.” She sighs, tracing with her fingers over his cheek, where the scar has been. “You throwing your saber away was once more surrendering to the thought of being cracked, it was your soul being thrown away for being cracked. It wasn't killing your past, it was surrendering to it.”

“You are thinking about getting my saber back, healing my crystal.” Ben whispers, his breath tickling her palm.

“Yes, because both of you can heal. Become what you were meant to be.”

“Protective.”

“Protective?”

“I always wanted to protect those who I love. Mom, dad, my friend at the Jedi temple. You. Chewie. I still want to. But I can't protect the dead. And I don't know if the living want me to protect them.”

“I do”, Rey says, framing his face with her hands, “I want to be protected by you. I want you to heal. To become the one you are. Our mistake was to believe those who were trying to mold us into something we weren't. Neither light, nor dark. Both. You. Me. One.”

Their kiss deepens, and they break into a smile, both knowing too well where this is going to lead. Rey hums happily against his lips. _Ben, my Ben. Don't be afraid, I feel it too._

_You can take whatever you want._

_You know I will._

_I hope so._ Ben catches her tongue with his, his hands already busy with pulling her shirt out of her waistband.

Rey pushes him back on the blanket, staring down at him with the biggest grin on her lips. “You are my guest.”

“My little monster.”

She has already pulled up his shirt and is kissing his skin, leaving bitemarks here and there. And Ben can't but hope she will take her time, because he is enjoying every second of her exploring his body. This feeling of being whole and loved, every single hair of him, this is so new and overwhelming, it nearly makes his heart burst with happiness.

_Not another broken heart._

“It is fine, my love, when my heart breaks because of happiness it is wide and open to let even more happiness in. As long as it is you who takes care of my heart, I will happily surrender to whatever you are up to.”

Rey helps him to take off his shirt, then continues to kiss her way over his body. She is playing with him, that for sure, though they both already know what she is going to do. Their minds bloom with joy and excitement, their bond is singing and glowing and entangling their minds even deeper. Ben is trying to push his boots off of his feet, which causes Rey to bite into his hip. “Don't you dare. This is my part now.” She licks over his skin, throwing a glance at him, grinning at the sight of him watching her. Her shirt is already gone and she slowly moves her body along his, her breasts caressing his skin. Ben lets out a deep growl, wanting to catch her shoulders, but Rey is faster and fixes his hands with the Force. He takes a deep breath and lets go. Being held by her is such an exciting experience, feeling safe. Finally.

“I'm just returning the favour, my monster. Being held by the right one is exciting.”

“It is”, he growls, “but Rey, I swear, you will have to pay for everything you are doing now.”

“I'll take this as a promise.”

“It is”, he replies, currently not able to be as vocal as usual. And it truly doesn't matter. Their bodies speak the language needed most at this moment.

“Hm”, hums Rey, “you are giving me some nice ideas.”

“I wasn't thinking anything at all right now”, he sighs, which is spoken truth, because all he can think is about how it feels to have her lips on his chest, his throat, her fingers playing with his hair, her fingernails digging into his skin, marking him as hers.

She uses the force to loosen his waistband and to lift his hips a bit, so she can tug on his trousers, while still nibbling at his throat. But she soon changes her mind. She want's to unwrap him by herself, using the force to do so would take away half of the fun. Rey places her hands on his chest, caressing his skin with dancing fingertips, while kissing traces down his body. Her hair is tickling him, and, worse, hiding her face from him, so he simply lifts it up with the force, until it is floating around her head, illuminated from the campfire like floating flames.

“My goddess”, Ben mutters, all in awe, and tries to free his hands, to touch her, because this has to be a dream. It is too beautiful to be true. But Rey still has his hands bond with the Force, and she softly pushes against his hands. _Stay._

He instantly obeys. He'd never deny his goddess what she demands of him. Never. Because Rey is a loving goddess, full of mercy and compassion. She is _his_ goddess. His love. His soulmate. His everything.

Her fingers pull down his trousers, so slowly, he thinks she isn't moving at all. But then there is the sensation of chill air around his delightsaber, and Rey pushes down the fabric of his trousers with one swift movement, faster now, but all her fingers touching the skin of his legs. His boots are gone soon, as are his trousers and his socks. Rey stands up, a silhouette, reflections of the flames dancing around her, while she is slowly moving and pushing her pants down to. He couldn't remember she has already taken off her boots, but to be honest – he doesn't care. Rey is standing over him, naked, glowing, her hair still floating around her head, because he loves the sight of her looking like that. Ethereal. Out of this world. But his. His alone.

Rey smiles down at him, her eyes wandering over his body. She lets the Force wander with her eyes, her immaterial touch electrifying his skin like being touched by a bare wire. They both are out of track for a heartbeat, because they both wanted to try this, but never did until Rey is doing it now: caressing each other with the Force.

She kneels down, straddling his legs, so she can reach everything she needs to reach. Her lips touch his tip, and then, slowly, so very slowly, she lets them sink deeper and take him in. Rey takes her time, enjoying to explore every inch of him, every vein, every wrinkle. Her fingers wrapped around his delightsaber she holds him in position, not allowing him to move the slightest bit. His hands are free of her hold now, but he doesn't try to touch her. Just enjoys feeling her this close. And her Force touch on his skin. He can't even tell where she is touching him with her free hand, because it feels like her fingers are everywhere. Caressing, demanding, playing with him. He closes his eyes, to intensify this experience. His whole body is one single nerve now, touched by the woman he loves more than his own life.

Rey pulls back, placing her fingertips on his tip, moving them down with a slightly twisting movement, careful to press exactly as firm as he enjoys it the most. She strokes with the fingers of her other hand over the dark curly hair covering his balls, just so soft she isn't touching his skin. Just this soft curly hair of his, smiling at the sensation of his balls twitching at her feather-light touch. He never stops to amaze her, her wonderful Ben, and exploring his body is pure joy for her. His soft skin, the muscles made of marvel underneath, how he is getting goosebumps when she touches him, how his mind is bursting with joy and excitement. The moment her fingertips make contact with the skin of his balls, he lets out a deep growl, the bond humming with the excitement he is feeling.

She tries another movement of her fingers, but then decides to let them wrapped around his length, to hold him in position, while her mouth is working his way up and down his tip, a wild mixture of licking, sliding and – she smiles at the thought of Ben actually liking this – biting. Everytime her teeth touch his skin, he is shuddering and growling this deep guttural growl she already fell in love with, his thoughts bursting with the sensation of feeling absolutely safe for the first time of his life. For him it isn't the pure physical joy that drives him crazy, it is the feeling of being loved and safe and allowed to be himself. Wanted. This it is. His arousal is deeply linked to his feelings. His feelings for her, him sensing what she is feeling for him.

_I want all of you. Always have and always will._

He starts shivering with excitement at feeling these thoughts she is pushing into his mind, his body twitching. They both know he is close, but Rey doesn't want to let it end that quickly. She pulls away, dropping a sloppy kiss on his tip and giving him a slow lick, her tongue circling around him. And as soon as he has calmed down a bit, she is on him again. Her lips pressed firmly against the skin of his delightsaber, she moves up and down, with far more confidence now that she has learned which movements bring him the utmost joy.

“R ...ey ...” he hisses, as she sucks on him for the first time, instantly knowing this is how she is going to end him.

But it wouldn't be Rey, if she wouldn't tease him once more. Right exactly before he is letting go, she pulls back.

“Youuuuuu …”

“Hmhm”, she hums against his tip, already back at task. But now Ben is taking his sweet revenge, proving he has learned some tricks as well.

She gasps as she is feeling his touch between her legs, inside of her. Ben doesn't wander around, he hits her most sensitive spots with his Force touch as perfectly as he does with his fingers and his tongue.

The moment she kicks him over the edge, he does the same for her. They both crack into a thousand pieces of joy and melt with the stars, galaxies colliding. They are one, their force signatures melting into each other like two liquids swirling in a glass, becoming one.

Ben pulls her into his arms, pressing her against his body. There is no beginning and no end, just them. No time, no space, no past, no present, no future. They are the center, the core, the light and the dark, they can feel every single living being of the galaxy within their souls. Life. Decay. Falling. Rising.

Their eyes snap open.

_You are glowing._

_You too!_

They look at each other in awe. Their bodies are nearly translucent, glowing in soft iridescent light. It is like their bodies have become liquid fire, rainbow colors floating over their skin, pulsating with every movement they make.

_What … what happened? Are we … dead? Force ghosts?_

Ben grabs her hand, holding it tight, taking in the sight of the glow intensifying at his touch. _No, this is something else. I can still feel your heartbeat. See you breathing._

_Why … how?_

_I don't know. Maybe this is some dyad thing?_

_Losing our bodies when having orgasms?_

_No. It didn't happen last time. What was different now?_

_Sync?_ Rey replies, still not sure what to think about their bodies being stuck somewhere between substance and Force. _Ben, what the …_ she gasps, pleasantly surprised at feeling his touch within her again.

 _I was just checking if your body is still a physical one_ , he replies, a smirk on his lips, while carefully caressing and stretching her walls with his Force touch.

Rey concentrates on the strange but exciting feeling of being stroked by him inside of her like that, before smiling too. _Fine. We don't know how to get back to normal, so we just – continue?_

Ben is focusing his Force touch on her two most sensitive spots, making her gasp even louder in his mind. _Any other suggestions?_

 _No. But …_ She pushes a memory through their bond, and Ben's grin is widening.

Rey is straddling him again, but now slowly sliding down on his still hard delightsaber, while Ben is caressing her clit with the Force touch. His hands on her thighs, she starts to rock her hips, never breaking eye contact with him. Their bodies are still translucent, glowing, and everytime their skin touches, waves of light wash over them, starting with red and fading rainbow like into purple. Ben stretches out his hand and Rey takes it, pulling him into an upright position, so they can wrap their arms and legs around each other, like they had done it on Takodana. But this time …

 _No, still not laying the pipe_ , Ben deadpans, and they both start to giggle. Their lips crush together, drinking each other in, like both of them are dying of thirst and drowning at the same time.

A few more movements and their senses burst again. They have to shut their eyes because for a moment the light is so bright it almost hurts their eyes, but only almost.

They both let out a deep sigh, enjoying to feel the waves of their orgasms echoing in the other's mind and body, then open their eyes again. There is no glowing anymore, just them. Pure, naked skin, droplets of sweat glistering in the firelight like golden starlight sprinkled all over their bodies.

Ben kisses her with a tenderness that makes her nearly cry. _Whatever it was, I want more of it._

_Me too._

They both drop to the blanket, pulling another one over their bodies. They are still sweaty and their skin is radiating heat like fire, but they are outdoor, and the air is chill, they need to keep the warmth.

Ben pushes the thick stems closer to the campfire, so they will slowly burn down during the following hours.

Time enough to rest, warm enough to feel comfy.

They both fall asleep within the next heartbeat, their fingers and minds still entangled, caressing and protecting each other, being held and free at the same time.

This time it is Ben who wakes up first. It takes him a moment to realize where he is, seeing dark blue sky above him, some ember clouds floating, turning into gold within the next moments. The weight of Rey's body, still comfy nestled on his, her lips pressed against his skin, every breath of hers a little airy kiss.

Ben can't remember a moment in his life when he had been that serene and happy. It isn't that they had the most exciting sexual experience last night, it is simply the sensation of her skin pressed flush to his. _This_ , he thinks, this is what the Force has been showing him in his vision when they were touching hands in the hut, _this_ feeling of serenity and peace, like everything is come to an halt right now. Time has stopped. They are in their own little universe right now. No war, no Resistance, no First Order, no Jedi, no Sith, no Jedikiller, no last Jedi. Just Rey and Ben, and their love for each other.

The clouds melt from gold into salmon, and Ben decides it is time to wake up Rey, because she is going to love this.

He drops a tender kiss on her forehead, pushing the picture of the glowing clouds into her mind.

She makes a soft little noise, somewhere in between growling and meowing, causing Ben to kiss her forehead again.

“Good morning, little kitten”, he says, wrapping his arms tighter around her.

“Good morning, Ben”, she murmurs against his skin, dropping a sleepy kiss on his skin.

“Look at the sky, you won't miss this.”

Rey turns around on him like a cat looking for the perfect sleeping position, and Ben lets out a little huff. “So, I'm you pillow now?”

“Hmhm”, humms Rey, wiggling with her bottom, knowing very well what this is doing to his already half hard delightsaber.

He wraps his arms around her again, and they both watch the sky, the clouds changing their colors faster and faster now.

“Thanks for waking me up, this is really beautiful. I've never seen a sunrise like this.”

They sit up, looking at the ruins of the Death Star, the sun emerging out of the ocean behind them. It doesn't look scary anymore, just … tired. Like an old animal that wants to lay down, sleep and never wake up. It is a peaceful sensation, and all the bad memories they had about this place are not bad anymore, just – memories.

“This was the place where you told me you wanted to take my hand”, Ben finally breaks the silence.

“This was the place where you escaped your chains”, replies Rey.

And then they both hold their breath at the sound of something new.

A whisper.

A cry.

A plea.

Utterly loneliness.

“You can hear it too?” Ben asks, when he feels Rey stirring in his arms.

“Yes. Someone is crying.”

“Not someone. Something.”

Rey turns her head, looking a him, slightly confused.

“My kyber. It is calling for us.”


	11. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey are rescuing something lost and fixing something broken.  
> And they are celebrating being alive. multiple times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: rough sex   
> once they found out how their toys work, they can't stop playing. ^^
> 
> This chapter is one I had in my mind from the very beginning. Not every detail, but for me it was clear that some things definitely have to happen because they are part of Rey's and Ben's journey.  
> Well, what I hadn't planned at all was the amount of smut happening. But you know: if you are writing, your characters come to life - and they tell you what happens.  
> So, don't blame me. I'm just following their lead ;-)

Ben is rollig them to the side so she is landing on the blanket, then is leaping to his feet, running towards the cliff the next moment. He doesn't care being naked and barefoot, he just can't resist the call of his kyber.

Rey sits up and huffs, watching her man running into the morning sun, wearing nothing but his erection. _If you are considering jumping into the sea and taking a swim I'm going to kick your beautiful naked ass._

He stops, panting, turning his head, watching her walking closer, one of the blankets wrapped around her body. And, of course, she had taken her time to slip into her boots and grabbing his.

“Ben”, she says, taking his hand, dropping his boots and slinging one half of the blanket around his shoulders so they are tucked in together, “I can hear it too. But you can't swim with cuts on your feet from the grass and the rocks. Especially not with waves as dashing as these.”

Taking in a deep breath, he nods, before stepping into his boots, pulling them up with the Force. “What have I done. I left it here, all alone. After all the hurt I've caused to my crystal I threw it away like … Rey, I'm not better than those who gave up on me.”

She is snuggling closer to him, part because she wants to be close to him, part because the wind coming from the sea is really chilling. “Remember what we have been talking about last night?”

He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her flush, sensing her freezing a bit. “Why does Anakin's words come to my mind now: _making bad decisions because thinking they were the right ones_.”

“And?”

“I surrendered to my past, therefore my journey isn't finished yet. Throwing away my saber wasn't the turning point. It was you telling me you love me. In your lovely _not used to confess feelings to anyone_ way. It wasn't Kylo who threw the saber away, it was Ben. I … I've made a mistake.”

Rey nods, pointing with her chin to the ruins of the Death Star. “So, what are we going to do?”

“We?”

“We are a team, we share one soul, your kyber called to both of us. Whatever we need to do, we'll do it together.”

She finds herself carried on his arms the next moment. “Ben, what the Force are you doing?”

“Getting our clothes, breakfast, and then my saber.”

They used the ashes to warm their breakfast – the meat filled buns that had been meant to be their breakfast the day before.

“We are missing a lot of meals recently”, murmurs Rey, while nibbling on her bun, licking the tasty crumbs from her fingers.

“You, my love, are making me wanting you even when you are stuffing your face with food. _Especially_ then.”

She elbows him in the rips, taking in a sharp breath as she remembers he was hurt right there.

“It's okay, no hurt there any more. But Rey, you really look adorable when you are eating. The others are simply taking in energy, but you, you _enjoy_ your food. Licking your fingers. Adorable. And – tempting.” He kisses her fingertips, then her lips. Rey presses them firmly together, not letting his tongue in. _My mouth, my rules, my food. Besides, you aren't a baby porg. Eat by yourself._

Ben breaks into laughing, kissing her once more. “Your lips taste delicious as always. But you're right. We have a task at hand, exploring will have to wait until later.”

Rey nods, slightly blushing, but pretending not to do so by continuing to nom her breakfast. _What is your plan? Shall we dive? I'm not very found of swimming. I mean – I know how not to drown, but actually diving …_

“No, I think we can try calling my saber with the Force.”

Rey stops chewing. _With the Force? Isn't your saber hundreds of meters below the surface?_

A little sigh escapes his lips. “Distance doesn't matter, same as size. These borders are invented by our minds, not representing reality. Remember pulling the shuttle ...”

“Into pieces”, her expression becomes sad spot on. “People died, Ben, because we couldn't stop arguing. Couldn't start talking.”

“I'll forever regret having pushed you that far”, he replies, being sad too. “But we can't change it anymore. Like so many things we have done. Getting back my saber is one of the rare opportunities to make damage undone. Well, not actually undone, but to atone. I am desperate to heal my crystal.”

Rey breaks her bun into two halves and hands one over to Ben, who has already finished his portion.

“I know food doesn't help against being sad, but you are bigger than I am, you need more.”

They have plenty of food in the Falcon's kitchen, but considering how often they had forgotten to eat during the last two days, Ben is tempted to accept her offer. But on the other hand he is afraid she is not getting enough food. She still doesn't weight anything more than a wet loth cat when he is carrying her on his arms.

“Force, Ben, look into my mind. _Am_ I still hungry?”

“No.”

“But you are. Let me take care of you, yes?” She kisses his half and hands it over to him.

Ben's hand is trembling as he takes it.

“Still not used to someone caring about you?” Rey smiles, cuddling into his side and resting her head on his shoulder, while he continues eating.

_Same as you._

“We take care about each other, then”, she nods against his arm, finishing her own half. _You think we can get your saber without diving?_

_Theoretically it has to work. But I think it depends on where exactly it is laying now. If it is stuck beween metal parts, it may be fiddly. If it is laying freely on the ground, it will be easy. At least as long as it is willing to follow my call after all I have done to him._

They are at the cliff again, fingers interlaced, their other hands stretched towards the ruins of the Death Star.

“I can feel it, but I can't get hold of it”, says Rey, feeling Ben's finger pressing softly against hers.

“Be patient. This is the first time we are both pulling.”

“Maybe … we need to get in sync?”

Ben looks down to her, an eyebrow rised.

Rey rolls her eyes. “No, Ben, not like this. I mean, if nothing else helps, yes, sure, of course, anytime, but maybe we can get this sync state in another way than entangling our bodies. Or doing a nap together. What does these things have in common? What is the trigger to get in sync?”

It takes him a moment to get what she means. “You think we can get into this state willingly?”

“It's worth a try, isn't it? Close your eyes. Get back to the feelings from last night. I felt … open. Like a gate, with air and light flowing through.”

He sighs. “Luke used a similar metaphor. Opening doors. The wider open, the better the Force can flow.”

“So, let us flow, not light, not dark, just … flow.” She closes her eyes, trying to feel his Force signature. Ben is following her lead, slowing down his breath, until they are breathing in the same rhythm. Feeling Rey. Feeling safe. Feeling complete. Like floating in space and stars …

_Stars above me. Stars below me. Stars inside of me._

_What is this?_

_My mantra to calm down, back on Jakku. Whenever felt lonely, I sat outside of my fallen AT-AT and watched the stars. Telling myself I wasn't alone, with all of them spread above me. I considered myself being part of them, them being part of me. Made of stardust. Part of everything. Therefore not alone._

Ben pulls her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her, not giving a bantha's poop if this is a proper meditation pose or not.

_I saw you in a forest,_

_in the snow,_

_on a dying star,_

_in the rain._

_But it was fire that bound us –_

_bared souls_

_open hearts_

_and our hands in between._

_Colliding worlds_

_giving birth_

_to a new star:_

_our love._

Rey opens her eyes, looking up to him, seeing the smirk around his eyes.

“I wasn't smashing things all the time, you know? I used to write poems for you, too.”

“You … wrote poems … for me?”

“Indeed. But please, don't tell anyone.”

“Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has been writing poems for me.”

“Well, most of the time it was Ben Solo who has been writing them. But yes, sometimes it was Kylo too. You like it?” he asks, his smirk vanishing into a shy smile.

“Ben, my Ben”, Rey raises herself on tiptoes and kisses him, _of course I do. I … can't believe you wrote poems. For me. Nobody ever has given me such a beautiful gift. Putting affection into art._

_You really like it._

_Yes, Ben, yes!_ Her joy is swirling around his mind, dancing with his, twirling and entangling. He is too eager to let her excitement wash over his soul, bathing in her joy, drinking it in. It has been just a few words, and yet Rey's Force signature is dancing around his like she is going to burst with happiness.

His Force signature joins hers, blossoming wide open, taking in her light. As hers is taking in his darkness.

Something shifts inside their minds and everything around them comes to an halt. Wind, waves, sunlight, they are in their little private space again. But it is far more than the space they had shared during their Force bonds, it is … glowing.

Ben breaks their kiss to look at Rey. There she is again, his goddess. Light embodied, iridescent and ethereal. Wide open, the center of the universe. The beginning of everything.

As is he. Dyads in the Force, a power like life itself.

Both are smiling at each other, their Force signatures dancing around them, flowing through them. Rey nods curtly, before turning around in his arms so her back is pressed against his body. She takes his hand, lifts it with hers, directed towards the sea. _Call for it._

Ben reaches out, his mind following the desperate crying he is hearing now stronger than just seconds before. He closes his eyes, so he can fully focus on the voice of his kyber. Cold. Dark. Pressure. Loneliness. Tension. Loss.

He wraps his Force touch around the center of this emotions, pulls.

No response.

 _Ask._ Rey's voice hums in his mind.

 _Come back to me. Please. I'm sorry._ He wraps every feeling he has about Rey around his crystal, the feeling about being loved, accepted, whole, complete. How it feels to be held by Rey, how it feels holding her in his arms. Baring his soul to her and feeling nothing but love in return.

The crying stops, for a moment he is afraid he lost his kyber, but then he feels its response. A shy cry, shivering. Like an hurt animal crawling out of its hiding place, sniffing food.

Rey interlaces her Force touch with his, pushing all the love she is feeling for Ben into it, her gratitude for the saber had followed her call back in the throne room. The shy cry changes into a burst of happiness, before breaking wide open.

The saber hits their hands so hard it nearly knocks them off their feet. They close their fingers around the wet hilt, still in awe they actually had done this. The kyber is singing, snuggling cosily into their Force signatures, humming serene, it almost feels like the purring of a sated kitten.

Ben lifts his other hand, moving it over the hilt, pouring out the water from its insides. Letting his mind sink into the saber, checking every single part of it.

His kyber is still purring, like it is telling him it is fine. More than fine.

His thumb presses the switch and the blade ignites, a glowing white with shades of purple. Instead of the crackling sound of his crimson blade there is a serene humming now, confident and calm.

Their bodies glowing fades as soon as Rey detangles her fingers from his, breaking the skin contact to his saber.

“Did you just … call and heal your kyber in one single move?” she asks, although already knowing the answer.

“ _We_ did, Cyar'ika”, Ben says with hoarse voice, still shaken by the feeling of his crystal being back with him. And feeling it being more powerful than it has ever been before.

When he looks at Rey again, her head is bent back so she can look at him, her eyes are dark and wide. Joy is washing over him, and the feeling of an urgent _need._

He switches off his saber and presses Rey against his body hungrily, his free hand slipping into the waistband of her trousers. Rey grabs his thigh, letting out a lovely moan, her senses on fire both from their recent experience and her desire to feel his touch. Ben's hand is already pressed flush against her curls, his digit rubbing her pearl, wandering deeper. She is already so wet, he can't but instantly dipping his middle finger inside of her, while caressing her lips and her clit with his palm.

She puts her hand on his, pressing him closer, while slowly circling with her hips, enjoying the feeling of his – again, or still? – rock hard delightsaber pressed against her bottom.

“Rey”, Ben growls, “I want you. I'm going to die if ...”

 _Not. Funny._ She digs her fingernails into the fabric of his trousers, hard enough he can feel them scratching his skin. _Take me. I want all of you._

He stops moving his finger, suddenly feeling insecure. What if he is going to hurt her …

_You won't. We already have been light, now let us be dark._

His saber may complain about being dropped again, but he can't undo Rey's pants otherwise. And he won't miss a second of feeling her hot and wet walls clenching around him, eager to replace his finger as soon as possible with something more fitting. Looking at the rocky ground, he hesitates, not sure how …

Rey rubs her head against his shoulder, turning it so she can lick over his throat. _We try. Anything._

She has already kicked off her boots, just enough mind left to kick them behind them and not down the cliff. Ben pulls down her pants with the Force, helping her to get her feet detangled from the fabric.

Pulling down his own pants is a little bit more fiddly, because he still has only one hand free to use, and Rey won't stop rubbing her naked bottom against his delightsaber, clawing her fingers into the fabric of his pants.

Suddenly she bursts into a laughter, Ben sees the flash of a memory in her mind and bends down to whisper in her ear, his voice trembling with the desperate urge not to break into laughing too: “I told you – kneepads!” He nibbles at her earlobe, his hand on her throat, while the other one keeps caressing her wetlands.

 _Wetlands. Ben … I …_ She squeaks in surprise as he is pulling her down with him, feeling him bending her over, holding her tight so she won't fall. Her hands touch the grass, a cool and silky sensation, the Force pulsating in every single culm. And still his finger inside of her, making her more and more dizzy with desire.

Somehow he has managed to get rid of his pants too, because she can feel his delightsaber pressed against her bottom, hot and hard – a perfect match for her. Ben pulls back and his finger out of her warmth. She opens her mouth to complain, but is feeling him spreading her legs and – his tongue at her lips, giving them a very, very slow lick.

_Stop teasing me, Kylo!!_

He gives her one last kiss, enjoying the taste of her, smelling her scent. Then he bends over her back again, one hand at her hip, the other wrapped around his delightsaber, directing its tip towards her entrance. Grabbing her hips with both of his hands, as soon as they are aligned.

_Rey._

_Yes._

_You are mine._

_Always._

He slams her hips against his, burying his delightsaber completely inside of her with one fast move. May he have been insecure about her really wanting this a few moments ago, feeling her mind now is blowing away even the tiniest of his doubts. He starts to thrust into her, not soft and slowly like he had done the night before, but hard and relentless.

And Force, the sounds Rey is making – they push him to go even faster and harder. He looks down at her, then lifts his head to look at the ruins of the Death Star. Rey is growling challenging, lifting her head too, nodding curtly. _We won, asshole. We. Kriffing. Won. We are dark and we are light, we are one. Stay mad._

 _And dead._ Ben presses his digit against her clit, speeding up the rhythm of his thrusts. Rey is close, Force, he loves to feel her tension building up, higher and higher.

_Come for me, scavenger._

Her walls are clenching so hard around his delightsaber he nearly joins her. But he wants more. More of this exciting feeling of her bursting into pieces. He feels like the most powerful being of the galaxy right now, knowing he is the only one holding that kind of power over her. His fearless warrior, his goddess – coming undone for him, and just for him. She is still riding on her wave when he is speeding up again, rolling his hips against hers, ramming his delightsaber into her with hard, precise thrusts. Hitting her secret spot harder than he had done before.

The feral cry breaking free from her throat is barely human, far more like the scream of a mythical creature.

She climaxes so hard around him he can't hold back any longer. He can feel the sensation of him spilling inside of her through their bond, as she can feel the sensation of him spilling into her. Their minds are one, as are their bodies.

Each movement makes an utmost wet and slick sound now, he breathes in the scent of their mingled fluids.

Leans in to kiss her shoulder, which has magically slipped out of her askewed shirt.

_Hmmmm, more._

He drops another kiss on her skin, tasting the sweat.

 _You really want all of me_ , he whispers into her mind, still barely able to believe.

 _Ben, of course!_ She clenches her walls around his already softening delightsaber.

_You called me Kylo._

_Because part of you still is. But Kylo belongs to me, and me alone. Don't show anyone else. You are mine._

_You are mine._

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her in an upright position, so her back is pressed against his chest. Rey rises a hand to stroke his hair.

“That … was unexpected.”

“Hmhm”, he hums against her neck, drinking in her scent, _but I don't regret anything._

She pulls at his hair playfully. “Me neither. Was this some kind of revenge banging?”

“Maybe a little bit. But I consider it more like celebrating being alive and together. Celebrating being free. Celebrating being ourselfs. Celebrating being who we are. No more chains.” He pulls her closer, not wanting to lose the connection of their bodies, but he can feel slipping out of her already. Sighs with regret.

“My thighs will be quite a mess”, she lets out a sigh too, feeling their liquids leaking out of her, covering her skin. “And my knees.” She stops, looking down, letting out a surprised huff.

Ben can't avoid smiling against her skin. “We take care about each other, remember?”

Rey blinks, suddenly feeling tears swelling in her eyes. She hasn't been recognizing until now that Ben had placed the legs of her boots underneath her knees with the Force before he bent her over, so she won't get hurt by the rocky ground.

This side of Ben, this incredibly soft and caring man, she can't believe he is hers.

“Rey”, he whispers, “I've always been yours. Even since before we met. There was never anyone else. I just had the feeling, deep inside of my soul, that there is someone, somewhere. I felt it for the first time when I was about ten years old – a little spark of light, nestled inside of my soul. It was enough to keep me from falling completely to the dark, becoming a Sith. It was you. Always you. My Rey of light.”

“The mantra I told you, the one with the stars. Feeling being connected. I think it was you. Always there, since before I was born. My other half. Waiting for me. We never were alone, now I _know._ ” She blinks several times to clear her vision.

“Hm, yes, the dyad thing. And the bodies glowing thing. Wait, it didn't happen this time.”

“Maybe we were to … dark?”

Ben thinks about her words, before rubbing his cheek against hers, caressing away her tears. “Exactly. We weren't balanced, in the middle. We were too far on the dark side this time. It seems we have to find our balanced spot, where our light equals the dark.”

“Which means your balanced spot is a bit more on the dark side, as mine is a bit more on the light side. You know: powerful darkness needs more light to be balanced.”

With the flood approaching the waves start growing louder again. They both hadn't been aware they were less loud than last night, until now.

“Should we jump into the sea, getting clean? Or waddle back to the Falcon, with our clothes getting sticky?

“Ocean”, Rey says firmly. “But this time without clothes.”

Back to the Falcon they decide to take a shower too, because the salt on their drying skin is making their clothes scratchy. Rey hums happily at the sight of Ben being naked, taking in every movement of his muscles. “You are so incredibly beautiful”, she says, stepping behind him and wrapping her arms around him, her cheek pressed against his back. Smiles against his skin as she can feel him blushing. “Yes, you are. Trust my judgement, I've seen every inch of you. You. Are. Beautiful.” She kisses his shoulderblade, before strolling into the fresher, giving him a perfect view at her backside.

Ben lets out a delighted sigh before following her, shamelessly admiring every inch of her body too.

They carefully rubbed each others skins, their thoughts calm and serene. Should they continue exploring their bodies, given the opportunity they were naked already? They decided to not give in. Letting their desire breathe, grow. There will be plenty other opportunities.

Now they are sitting at the dejarik table, Ben drying Rey's hair with a towel, combing it with his fingers as soon as it is half dried. Rey is sitting with legs crossed, his saber in her hands. She carefully strokes its housing, the weird looking wire on the outside. “Why did you never fix this? This is your sabers weakest spot, an exposed wire.”

Ben sighs, his fingers still nestled in her hair. “I was in rage after bleeding my kyber, the crystal was cracked and I had to modify the hilt, build the vents. I told myself _well, it is damaged … kriff, it should look damaged then._ But now, yes, it would be more fitting to repair the housing too. Give my kyber a neat home.”

Rey helds his saber, both of her hands wrapped around it. She likes holding it. It is a part of Ben, and she touches it with the same tenderness with which she is touching Ben.

“You should build one too”, Ben says calmly.

She looks up from his saber, not sure about this, glancing at the Skywalker saber laying on the table. “I already have a saber.”

“You have _a_ saber, but is it really _yours_?”

“It is only half of the kyber”, she says, “I tried to fix it, but the crystal wouldn't heal. Two halves. So … I used only one of it.”

“My love, your sabers housing is as damaged looking as mine, as I may say”, he points at her saber. “Why don't you take the two halves and make something more fitting for you?”

Rey let's out a sigh. “A saberstaff, I know. I was thinking about building one. But I didn't know how. The Jedi texts weren't that much of a help, and I was too stubborn to call you for help.”

“What about … fixing our sabers together? You help me with mine, I help you with yours? Both our kybers are bound to both of us, so it wouldn't be that much of a sacrilege.”

“Nah”, she snorts, “sacrilege, according to whom? The rules of the Jedi and the Sith don't fit for us. Not doing something because one of the old rules tells us to is … I don't know … we are something different, shouldn't we make our own rules therefore? Rules matching for _us_? Not forcing us to match the rules of some others?”

Ben leans in to kiss her shoulder. “That's my wife.”

Rey puts his saber on the table, turning around to face him. “Ben, do we have the time for that? Poe is waiting for us to come back, for you to build the communication module.”

“Yes, I know. But we do need our sabers, and we do need to practice our powers. Or would you prefer seeing me running towards the next challenge, naked all again?”

“As long as I can watch your nice ass while running, anytime”, she grins, giggling at the sight of Ben's lips twitching. “But you are right. You have far more experience and training than I have. I may have some of your knowledge since Starkiller, but it is fragmented. I need you to fill the gaps.”

“You need a teacher.”

“Maybe”, she nods, just to feel Ben's lips crushing against hers the next moment. _That wasn't what I meant, Ben._

_Are you complaining?_

_Not at all._

_But?_

She bites into his bottom lip. “Saber. Resistance. War.”

_Saber. The rest can wait. At least until we have some more experience in getting … balanced._

_As well as getting some more experience in filling … gaps._ Letting go of his soft lips is a torture. She simply can't get enough of them.

_Stop, Rey, don't let these thoughts wander. Otherwise we will end up banging right here on this table._

“Would it be that bad?” She pulls a grimace, pretending to be pouting.

“No. But as you said: Saber, Resistance, War. Hopefully with lots of making love in beween.”

“And banging.”

“Whatever you wish, Cyar'ika.”

They decided to go with Ben's saber first, because they already have all of the parts they need for fixing it.

Both of them are sitting on the floor, facing each other, their eyes closed. Ben's saber is floating in beween, they carefully take in every part of it with the Force. Then Ben starts to pull, Rey can feel all the parts shifting and floating, until they rest in a steady position. Ben lets the Force glide over the housing, fixing all the holes and loose parts where the wire has been connected to the hilt. They had talked about how to fix it before starting their meditation, so he is pretty confident in what he is doing now. His kyber is vibrating with excitement, for a moment it seems like it got some kind of hiccup. A tickling noise, like a shard dropping to the floor. Ben instantly knows what it is, this shard has been stuck in his saber since the kyber had cracked. It had stayed within the housing, next to his kyber. Broken, but close. He never had been able to locate it, but now it dropped to the floor. A thought comes to his mind, he quickly pushes it back into hiding, same as the shard, so Rey won't catch it. His kyber hums approvingly. It always has been meant being like this, Ben thinks, before getting back at task. Rey stays silent all the time, careful not to break his concentration. But he can feel her being close, her Force signature snuggled against his like a sleeping kitten. Calm and safe and happy.

Putting the parts together is as easy as breathing. Everything has its place, matching perfectly into each other, like Rey and he do when making love.

He can feel her smile at catching this thought, but not following it further. He isn't ready yet.

The parts connecting nearly without making any sound. Ben opens his eyes, watching his saber floating beween Rey and him. She opens her eyes, giving him a encouraging nod.

Back on his feet, he calls his saber into his hand, pushing the button.

They both gasp at the sight of his blade – it is glowing in a deep and vibrant purple now. Still purring, but feeling more – bold – than it had felt back on the cliff.

“Why has it changed its color again?” Rey asks, taking in the unique color of Ben's saber.

“White was for healing, but purple – purple means balance. Being connected to both, light and dark.”

“It is perfect!” Rey whispers, her eyes wide with awe.

Ben looks at her, her face reflecting the glow of his saber. And he can't help but starting to sob. Because this is him. Finally being whole for the first time in his life. Healed.

They walk back to the First Order ships, looking for the missing parts for Rey's saberstaff. Knowing what they need they work quickly and it doesn't take them longer than an hour to have everything they need.

Back to the Falcon Rey puts the parts on the floor, placing the two halves of her kyber next to the other components. The second half has always been within the housing of her rebuilt saber, just not connected to any other parts. She hadn't known where else to put it, so she had let the two halves stay together. Broken, but close. Now she knew it had been with purpose. She always has been meant to build a saberstaff.

Mirroring what Ben had done a few hours before she lifts the parts with the Force, aligning them. Pulls them closer, in sync, building two halves of a whole. Two sides of a double sided saberstaff. Which is, of course, able to split in beween. Rey had cut her staff into pieces to get matching parts for the housing, pieces which she knows by heart because of having been touching them countless times during the past years. It simply felt organic to use her old staff, because now she knew it meant growth to take your past and move on, building something new on the ruins. Take what fits you, toss what hurts you.

Ben's Force signature is calm and silent, he is just watching her, knowing she is going to do perfectly fine – he is just wondering which color her blades may have. And, of course, he is hoping they will turn purple too.

A last push and everything fits in place. Rey opens her eyes, watching her saber floating, Ben sitting before her, a slight smile on his lips, but his eyes still closed. “You think it will be purple, too.”

“Yes, because it is matching. But every color would be fine, because whatever color the blades may show – it is you. Go on, try it!” His eyes open, and Rey loves to see the small wrinkles at their sides when he is smiling. Genuinely smiling.

Rey presses the buttons, and – giggles.

Of course the blades are purple. Ben turns on his saber too and they hold them next to each other – his blade is a little more reddish, hers are a little more blueish. Matching.

“I can't wait to test them”, breaks Rey into a smile, and Ben's smile widens.

“Now, let's go outside!”

They nearly fly down the Falcon's ramp, igniting their sabers as soon as their feet are touching the ground. Ben is holding back, as usually, just blocking Rey's attacks, but soon he let's go of his restraint. They are equals, therefore there is no need to hold back.

Swinging their sabers they are dancing around each other, laughing and yelling and grinnig. Because it is the first time they do this just for fun.

Rey squeaks as Ben is coming after her, locking one of her blades with his. “Your fighting style is different now, far more fluent. It's like you have been holding back always.”

“I did, because I never wanted to hurt you.”

“But you want to now?”

Ben makes a step sidewards and gets behind her back, locking their arms in front of her, their blades crackling and singing. “I want to see your full strength. Not your anger.”

Rey lets out her breath, letting sink in his words. “You are right. I always came after you, full of anger. Does this change one's fighting style?”

His laugh is vibrating through her whole body, being pressed so flush to his. “Oh Rey, you have no idea. There is so much I want to show you, teach you. You can't imagine how much I always enjoyed our encounters, because I felt you are my equal, but now, now fighting _with_ you is pure bliss. It is like breathing, dancing, a river flowing.”

“Dyad thing, I suppose.”

“Maybe. But I like the thought of this being a lover's thing. Being close, intimate.”

“Speaking of making new rules: no celibate for force users anymore. We have to encourage them to love, being compassionate as well as being passionate. Not falling for extremes, finding balance. Considering love being the greatest powers of all they have to know it and handle it with care.”

“Training a new generation, I like that. Building something instead of destroying. But I doubt Finn is going to accept me as his master.”

Rey laughs, switches off her sabers. Ben does the same with his. They both are sweaty and panting, but it is a pleasant kind of exhaustion they are feeling now, not unlike the one they are feeling after having made love. “We find a new name. What about … _guide_? Which would imply equality, not a superior master and a lower student. You know – talking on eye level.”

“Hm, I like this thought. I always found it … stupid … to have to do all this bowing and kneeling to the masters. I mean: if you respect someone, you don't need to bow or kneel to show your respect, don't you? To bow or kneel means to lower your state. But no one should be on a higher ground just because someone is bowing to him. That's not true authority.”

“Exactly”. Rey snuggles against his body, not surprised at all to feel him having a hard on again. Because – same. “So fighting is turning us on, too”, she sighs.

“It always has. Because it is passionate. Passion can be redirected.”

“Oh, make love, not war, then?”

“Something like that. Putting your passion into creating, not devastating.” His lips are on her throat, tenderly kissing her skin.

Rey wiggles with her bottom, making him growl. “What about doing another round of dancing, the winner may suggest what we do afterwards?” She slips out of his embrace, her sabers already ignited before he can blink. She is as fast and versatile as a desert fox, and as sharp as one too.

Ben throws himself at her, not sure if he is into winning or losing this time. Because truth to be told he can't lose when it comes to Rey. It never had felt like to lose, not even as she has sliced his face.

“Careful, Ben, or I'll mark you as mine again”, she teases him, swirling around and hitting his saber with ease.

“Your fighting style is predictable, my love”, he replies, shifting the angle of his hand so her blade slides into the soil instead of landing a full blow on his.

She laughs and splits her saberstaff into two, her second blade pointing at his throat instantly. “Surrender.”

“To you, anytime.”

“Nah, I had expected you to be a little more eager to win.”

“Maybe it is my tactics to let you win, so I will get exactly what I have in my mind?” He pushes his thoughts through their bond which makes Rey gasp instantly.

She moans as she can feel his Force touch at her pearl. But she still doesn't move.

“Surrender”, Ben says, pushing harder, hitting her second spot with equal intensity, merciless.

She switches off her sabers, letting them drop into the grass. Ben lets his switched off saber drop too, pulling her into his embrace. His lips crushing down on hers, hungrily.

 _Ben!!_ She wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him back with equal urge.

 _You really need to get a dress, these pants are a pest_ , Ben lifts her up, so she can wrap her legs around his waist.

He runs towards the Falcon as fast as he can, with Rey wrapped around him, his trousers suddenly too tight and his sight hidered because Rey won't stop kissing him. They barely make it up the ramp, so Ben decides to stay right there. Presses Rey against the wall, already busy unraveling her waistband.

“Wait”, she huffs into his mouth, freeing her hands of his hair, moving them slightly towards the ramp, _calling_. She catches their sabers, one in each hand.

“They were save in the grass, no enemies here,” Ben murmurs, out of track for a moment, but catching up again soon. Rey lets the sabers sink to the floor, before focusing again on Ben. Or other way round – enjoying Ben being focused on her completely.

Somehow they manage to get out of their clothes without ripping them into pieces, Ben then lifting her up. Rey can't but smile at the soft questioning look he is giving her – still asking if he may go on.

She moves her lips closer to his ear. “Take me.”

And he does.

It is amazing how easily they find together now, considering how awkward and clumsy their first evening has been. But both of them couldn't be happier than they are now. Rey feeling Ben crushing into her with all his passion, Ben feeling Rey taking him with hers. They are rough and feral and loud, grunting and hissing and moving faster and faster. Ben takes her hands, presses them against the wall. Rey moans into his mouth, breaking their kiss to adjust to this new sensation. Ben kisses her bottom lip, knowing just too well how much she is enjoying being at his mercy. And he can't blame her, because he loves being at hers too. It wouldn't be fun if they weren't equals, but because they are it is this overwhelming feeling of being held and and to hold at the same time.

His Force touch still stimulating her clit she comes undone with a intensity that makes her muscles jerk. Ben is holding her, watching her in awe, while rocking into her even harder, picking up the rhythm of her clenching walls. Her second wave hits him, and Rey holds her breath so hard her head turns red.

 _Breathe!_ he reminds her, but not thinking about letting her calm down.

She sucks in the air, gasps, shifting the angle of her hips a little bit. Clenching her walls around him like she is going to crush him.

Ben's eyes darken even more, a few more thrusts, and she is shivering again.

 _Let go!_ her thoughts push into his mind, but he shakes his head.

“We are not done yet, Rey. I want you to come one more time. Be mine.”

Rey stands no chance, with his delightsaber burried deep inside of her, hitting her spot, his Force touch caressing her pearl. She can sense his excitement to see her like this, feel her like this – and crushes down once more. Ben follows suit, enjoying the feeling of them both pulsating around each other. Like two hearts beating in sync.

He releases her wrists, her arms drop on his shoulders, his head to her chest, and he breathes in the scent of her skin, listens to her heartbeat. This is the most beautiful sound he can think of – hearing her being alive, with him.

Besides of hearing her cry his name, of course.

“My Ben”, she whispers, kissing his hair.

“Always yours.”

“Ben”, her voice is dark and tempting, as she nestles her nose into his hair, enjoying his scent.

“Yes, my love?”

“I'm hungry ...”

He breaks into a laugh, can't stop laughing because he can sense Rey's feelings. And there is _nothing_ strange about them.

“Anything you want, Cyar'ika.”


End file.
